


If You Want Blood (You Got It)

by angelivenantium



Series: Angel/Hunter writing madness [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 18:34:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1047213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelivenantium/pseuds/angelivenantium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean move to a new town to live with their uncle Bobby after their father gets killed in an accident. Dean ends up meeting Castiel on his first day at the school and starts having trouble not drowning in blue eyes and elegant hands. Only problem is that Castiel's over possessive boyfriend doesn't like it one bit and has a really violent way of showing it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Want Blood (You Got It)

“Try not to get beat up now, Sammy!” Dean said cheerfully to his younger brother. They’d just walked into their new school and were standing in a hallway where they had to split up.

“Jeez, thanks, Dean!” Sam muttered and started walking towards the corridor with his locker, pulling his backpack up higher on his shoulder. The kid was four years younger than Dean and he still managed to get so freaking tall he was giving Dean a run for his money. And Dean Winchester was not short, thank you for asking.

“I’ll meet up with you at the parking lot after school, okay?” Dean called after him. Sam just waved at him, muttering something that sounded like “yeah, yeah” while he kept walking. Dean grinned and started walking towards his own locker. Eventually he found it in a pretty empty hallway, painted in a horrible kind of pale orange, with just a few kids going through their lockers. He opened his own and started putting some things away before taking a look at his schedule. He was supposed to be in a classroom he had no idea where to find in five minutes, so he decided that the easiest way not to be late on his first day was to just ask. A kid two lockers down was going through his locker so thoroughly that he was practically inside it. Dean took a step closer and cleared his throat.

“Uh, excuse me, but you don’t happen to know where 258 is, do you?” Dean asked, not really sure if the guy would actually hear him.

“If you want to, I can show you,” a muffled and surprisingly dark and raspy voice answered him. “My classrooms in the same corridor.” 

“Yeah, okay, great,” Dean said and moved a little bit closer, curious to see who that voice belonged to. 

“Are you new?” came the voice again.

“Yeah, my brother and I just moved here so,” Dean answered. It felt a bit awkward talking to someone’s locker instead of the person. “I’m Dean by the way.”

Finally the guy turned around, pulling up a bag on his shoulder and shutting his locker.

“I’m Castiel,” he said, extending his hand. Dean was almost too dumbstruck to take it. The dude had the bluest freaking eyes he’d ever seen and almost black hair that was deliciously messy and he had to mentally slap himself to stop staring at him and shake his hand. Dean usually went for girls as far as attraction goes but he wasn’t that picky if it was a guy he found himself fucking. It’d been know to happen. The guy was wearing a pair of sort-of-tight jeans over his sort-of-skinny legs and a white dress shirt underneath an unzipped dark blue hoodie that brought out all that colour in his eyes even more. He almost looked like he was wearing a school uniform. Dean found himself secretly wishing the guy was gay, or at least bisexual. Not that he usually had too much luck when it came to hot guys, but whatever.

Castiel smiled a bit shyly when he let go of his hand and started walking down the corridor. 

“How old is your brother?” Castiel asked. Dean felt himself light up.

“He’s 15 and just starting high school. He’s gonna do great, being a major geek and all.”

Dean kept talking a bit about Sam and how they had moved to live with their Uncle Bobby - not actually related though - and before he knew it he was standing in front of his classroom and Castiel had left him with another small smile and a “Have a nice first day.” He felt a bit disappointed as he watched Castiel walk through another door further down the hallway, but who knew; perhaps there were some hot chicks in this class. Dean opened the door a bit reluctantly and walked inside.

\-------

The day seemed to go way faster than he’d expected and suddenly he found himself sitting in the cafeteria with a guy named Chuck and his friend Becky, whom he’d met during Math class, and with two phone numbers in his pocket that he was probably never going to call, unless he got really desperate. Chuck looked like he’d just gone straight out of bed and slept in his clothes for the past week and Becky was seriously never quiet for more than 30 seconds, but they were really nice and had already accepted him as a member of their small group. Becky was holding a passionate conversation, mostly by herself, about some vampire story Dean had never heard of and Chuck only seemed to listen to her because he was so obviously into her.

Dean saw Castiel sitting at the other end of the cafeteria with a large group of loud kids who all seemed to be in a heated discussion and throwing things at each other, except for Castiel himself who had his nose in a large book. The guy next to him was a bit taller with blondish hair and he had one arm thrown lazily around Castiel’s shoulders and waving with the other one at the same time. 

“Hey, who’s that guy next to Castiel?” Dean asked between two fork loads of food.

“You know Castiel Novak?” Becky squeaked, but Chuck interrupted her before Dean had to answer.

“That’s Lucy, his boyfriend.”

Dean snorted.

“Dude’s name’s Lucy?”

“Short for Lucifer.”

“Lucifer?”

“It’s not his real name though. He just introduced himself like that one day to someone and it kind of stuck. I think he likes it,” Chuck said, shaking his head to himself.

“Huh,” Dean said and looked back at Lucy and he had a small urge to just smack that arm away from Castiel’s shoulders. Who dates someone whose nickname comes from the devil? 

He couldn’t help the small exciting feeling in his stomach though, now that he knew that that gorgeous guy actually was gay after all, even if he was already taken by some weirdo. 

Lucifer seemed to feel him staring, which was just creepy by the way, because he locked eyes with him and moved his free hand to Castiel’s chin, lifting his head up and giving him a lingering kiss. Castiel looked a bit surprised at the affectionate action, but smiled and kissed him back, nudging their noses together and continued reading, oblivious to the reason behind the sudden act. Lucifer smirked at Dean, who set his jaw and turned all his attention to his food, feeling his cheeks heat up. One thing was clear; Dean did not like Castiel’s boyfriend one bit. 

When last period started Dean was a bit late, quietly opening the classroom door and sneaked inside to find the entire class staring at him. 

“Oh, Mr… Winchester, is it?” the English teacher asked. “There’s a seat over there, sweetie.” She pointed towards the back in the classroom, just behind a pair of blue eyes and dark hair. Dean nodded and murmured a “sorry” before he slipped down in the seat behind Castiel. 

Castiel turned around in his chair.

“Hey, you’ve had an okay day?” he asked him quietly. 

“Yeah,” Dean whispered back, “thanks, Cas.”

The blue eyes stared at him with a bit of surprise and Dean almost felt uncomfortable. 

“What?” he said.

“You called me Cas,“ Castiel said gravely. 

“Oh. Sorry.”

“No, it’s ok. I… kind of like it.” Cas sent him another one of those semi-shy smiles and turned around again. Dean couldn’t help the small tugging at the corners of his mouth and the warm feeling that was spreading in his stomach.

The class ended with the teacher announcing that they would do a project in pairs over the following weeks and Dean felt like it was his lucky day, because since he’d been seated right behind Cas they were assigned to work together. Dean suspected that the teacher wanted a bit more vacation, because she told them they could do it like self-studies so they wouldn’t have to be in school during those classes. Dean didn’t complain one bit about those arrangements.

“If you agree, I think we should do the project at the public library,” Cas declared when they walked down the corridor together. “It has the books we require and also computers if we need it.”

“Yeah, sure,” Dean replied. “I don’t really know where it is, but I’m sure Bobby does.”

“If he doesn’t know the location, we could always meet up somewhere before if we don’t go straight from school.” Cas had put his entire upper body inside the locker again, putting one book after another in his bag, so Dean barely heard what he said. When Castiel stretched into the locker his shirt went up just a little bit, revealing an inch of a pale hipbone and Dean couldn’t keep his eyes from flickering at the bared skin.

“I have a car, so I could just pick you up if you want to,” he said and had to clear his suddenly dry throat.

“That might be more practical, yes.” Cas’ head dived out from behind the locker door. “If it’s no trouble for you, of course. I’ll help pay for gas.”

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Dean said and shut his locker. “Hey, I gotta go pick Sam up.”

Cas shut his locker too and watched him again. Tension started building between them, mostly because Cas blue oceans seemed to work their way right through Dean and he felt his heart speeding up a bit, so he cleared his throat again.

“I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow then,” he said and almost had to force himself not to run all the way to the parking lot.

\-------

The next few days pretty much went along the same lines, him and Cas exchanging small conversations whenever they met (except for the times when Lucy came to hang out at Cas’ locker in between classes, being exaggeratingly cuddly and glancing almost predatorily in Dean’s general direction), Dean hanging out with Chuck and Becky at lunch and the occasional making out in the janitor’s closet with two different girls. Unfortunately Girl 1 walked in on him and Girl 2, so those sessions ended pretty quickly.

Him and Cas also started to hang out at the library - a classic, 19th century-looking thing with tall wooden shelves and heavy, carved tables - some afternoons, working on the English literature project and talking about practically everything. Dean learned about Cas’ two older brothers, one at law school and one being an intern at a local consult firm and living with Cas at home, and his sister Anna who went to university in Athens studying history. Apparently their Dad worked mostly abroad and wasn’t home much and their Mum had left them when they were young, leaving the kids to more or less fend for themselves with one nanny after another. Dean told Cas about Sam and Bobby and how their Mom died in a house fire when Dean was four and Sam was just a toddler and that their Dad had died last year in a car accident when he was on duty in the US Coast Guard and that they’d stayed with a woman called Ellen for the rest of the school year before they moved to Bobby, who had practically raised them as much as their own father while he himself was away in service. 

“So what are your brothers called?” Dean asked over a particularly boring chapter about some poet who apparently changed the world or something. 

“My oldest brother is called Balthazar and the other one is called Gabriel.”

“Dude, sorry, but I’ve gotta ask; what’s up with the names?” Dean chuckled. Cas smiled back at him.

“Yeah, I know. My sister’s real name is actually Anael. My father is very religious.”

“Okay, so they’re like saint names or something?” 

“No, angels.”

Dean tried not to smile, he really did, but that was just the motherfucking cutest thing he’d ever heard. 

“So you actually are an angel then?” He joked, before he realised what he’d said and mentally punching himself in the face. Cas’ eyes seemed to light up a little bit though, so he thought the super cheesiness was okay anyway.

“But hey,” Dean said when realisation hit him, ”your boyfriends called Lucifer. That was an angel too, right?”

Cas smiled fondly.

“Yes, I believe that’s why Lucy started calling himself that in the first place. To get my attention.”

“Well, it obviously worked,” Dean stated, managing to keep the resentment out of the voice. He still wasn’t 100% comfortable talking about Cas’ boyfriend, especially not with Cas himself, when the dick had obviously marked Dean as his very favourite guy to provoke. 

“Yes, I suppose it did,” Cas said, eyes distant. A long silence fell between them as Cas spaced out more and Dean found it impossible not to fiddle franticly with his pen.

“Well, how about we call it a day, huh?” he suggested, desperate to get away from the awkwardness he’d created for himself.

\-------

Since it was Friday and Dean had survived the entire first week at the new school, he thought he deserved to chill out a bit the best way he knew how - checking out the bars. He took a shower, got dressed and bounced down the stairs with the keys to the Impala in his hand. 

“Where’re you going?” Sam asked and looked up from the TV. 

“Out, Sammy!” he called back cheerfully. “Don’t wait up!”

Sam shouted something after him, but the sound disappeared when the door closed behind Dean. He drove to a place a few miles away, not wanting to risk hooking up with a neighbour or someone at school. Not getting a reputation the first week in a new town would be a nice change.

The bar he pulled up to was a lively place with lots of motorbikes outside and girls in short dresses staggering towards the door, laughing loudly. Dean smiled to himself and walked inside. The fact that he was underage never seemed to be a problem, especially not in places like this. 

He walked up to the bar and leaned against it and he had a girl leaning next to him even before the busy bartender had had the time to come up to him.

“Hey, how are you doing?” the girl said and flashed a white smile. She had pretty, blonde hair and Dean tried very hard not to notice how her eyes weren’t quite as blue as Cas’.

He ended up going home with her, fucking her for a whole hour.

\-------

When Dean went back to school on Monday he barely had the chance to talk to Cas at all, because Lucifer seemed to be glued to his side, kissing him and hugging his waist or hanging on to him from behind with his arms around his neck, hands resting on his chest. Eventually Dean gave up on trying to have a conversation with him and just plodded between his locker and classes all day.

His luck decided to change when he stepped out though the doors at the end of the day and found Cas sitting on the stone steps leading down to the school ground, reading what looked like a text book about atomic physics.

“Hey, man,” Dean greeted and sat down next to him. “What’re you doing out here?”

“Oh, hello Dean,” Cas said when he looked up from the book. “I’m waiting for Balthazar to pick me up. He was delayed at work.”

“I see.”

“How was your weekend?” 

“Good! Went to a bar, met this cute girl and you know… things got a bit heated,” Dean grinned and playfully shoved Cas in the side with his elbow, who smirked back.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah.”

“What was her name?”

“It was… eh…” 

Cas laughed.

“You don’t remember, do you?”

“Nah,” Dean said. “She had really pretty eyes though.”

“Oh, yeah? What colour?”

“Bl- brown. They were brown.”

“Sounds nice,” Cas said and started reading again. 

Dean watched his profile and the way his fingers gracefully turned the pages and his eyes focused on the words. Eventually he cleared his throat.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you and Lucifer meet?”

Cas sat up a bit and closed his book.

“It was quite strange actually,” he said and smiled. “There was a lot of gossip going around the first week in school last year, about some guy who called himself Lucifer. I didn’t really care to think that much about it, until he showed up at my locker one day and kissed me flatly on the mouth.” Cas chuckled when Dean’s eyes grew large. “Then he kept asking me to go out with him until I agreed. I figured that if things didn’t work out, he could at least be a good lay.”

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean laughed, “I didn’t know you were so promiscuous.”

“Don’t judge a book by its cover, Dean,” Cas said and grinned mischievous, “I’ve had my fair share of uncommitted relations. All before Lucy, of course.” 

Dean shook his head. He would never in a million years have thought that Cas would be one to have one-night stands, but on the other hand he was way hotter than anyone Dean had ever met before, and besides, it wasn’t like Dean wasn’t just as bad. He suddenly imagined Cas making out with all kind of different guys in empty classrooms and behind the gym. He shook his head a bit more and pushed the image away.

A silver-coloured Jaguar pulled up in front of the school and Cas stood up, still clutching the book in his hands. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Dean,” Cas said and started to slowly walk down the steps. “Thank you for keeping me company.”

“No worries, dude,” Dean said and smiled at him, before Cas turned around and walked towards the car. Dean went in the other direction to meet up with Sam before driving home.

\-------

The next morning Dean managed to walk all the way up to his locker before someone slammed him against it, pinning him up with an arm just beneath his throat. 

“Son of a-“ he choked out.

“Hello, Dean,” Lucifer said with a smooth voice. “I’ve heard that you’re getting quite acquainted with Cassie here.” He nodded towards Cas, who looked completely chocked.

“Lucy, what on earth are you doing?” 

Lucifer ignored him and turned his attention back to Dean. 

“You know, Dean, I don’t like it when people think they can just try and steal important things from me.” He pressed his arm a little tighter against Dean’s throat just to emphasise what he said. Dean tried to push back, but the dick was stronger than he looked.

“Lucifer!” Cas said with more authority than Dean thought he possessed. Lucifer turned his attention to him.

“Yes, honey?” he asked, sweet as ever, like he wasn’t just almost suffocating Dean. 

“Stop this! Now!” Cas took a step closer and stared Lucifer challenging in the eye. They seemed to have some sort of quiet argument before Lucifer sighed and let Dean go without further ado. 

“Just making a point, sweetie,” he said, pressed a kiss to Cas’ cheek and walked away with one last glance at Dean, who was trying to regain his composure. 

“I’m very sorry, Dean!” Cas said and looked like he’d been the one to push Dean up against a locker. “I’ll talk to him and it won’t happen again, I guarantee it!” 

He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder to make sure he was okay and looked pleadingly at him.

“Do you still want to do the English project with me? I would understand completely if you don’t and I can ask to change groups now before class if you want to-“

“Cas, chill out for a second.” Dean smiled and carefully removed Cas’ hand. “I’ve been through a lot worse, believe me. I’m not scared off that easily. And besides, I’d probably fail the entire English course if it weren’t for you, so no way you’re changing groups now.”

Cas look relieved and almost affectingly at him.

\-------

A few days later they were once again sitting in the public library and Dean was practically going suicidal over another stupid book he didn’t understand a word of and his brain was all mushy. 

“Dude, I literarily cannot do this anymore,” he told Cas. “If I don’t get a coffee soon I’ll turn into a vegetable or something.” 

Cas smirked at him, shaking his head slightly. 

“Well, that is something we certainly want to avoid,” he replied, closing the book in front of him. “There’s a coffee shop a few blocks down where Gabriel used to work.”

“Sweet!” Dean said and leaped out of his chair. He practically dragged Cas out of the library in his eagerness for caffeine and drove the Impala just about 100 feet to the small, warm-looking place. The insides reminded of a bit of Starbucks, but it was way cosier, had a small town feeling to it and was incredibly crowded. 

“What’re you getting?” Dean asked Cas and scanned the coffee menu. 

“Promise you won’t laugh,” Cas said and Dean turned around to look at him. Cas took a breath.

“Caramel mocha latte with whipped cream and extra sugar.”

Dean started to grin at him.

“Dude, how can you drink one of those and not get all possible kinds of diabetes?”

“Shut up,” Cas said, but smiled back. Dean noticed how his eyes seemed to brighten up when his smile reached them, like small silvery stars appeared in them and he was so busy staring into them that he almost didn’t notice the “Hi, what can I get you?” the barista addressed him with.

“Yeah, uh, hi, one regular coffee and one caramel mocha latte with whipped cream and tons of sugar, please,” Dean said and threw in one of his most charming smiles. The girl behind the counter blushed and quickly started making their orders. Dean could hear Cas snort behind him.

“I can’t believe you actually memorized it,” he mumbled, more to himself than to Dean, left a couple of bucks on the counter for his drink and walked away to find them a table.

They sat at the coffee shop for more than two hours, Dean feeling more carefree than he’d done in years, just talking and occasionally becoming absorbed by the look of Cas’ hands around his coffee mug or the way his collarbone would peek out when he bent over. They were in the middle of a, believe it or not, nice conversation related to the project they were doing, when a girl with a round face and dark hair and an evil-looking guy came up to their table.

“Hey, unicorn,” the girl said and sat down on the armrest on Cas’ chair. The guy just lingered beside them.

“Hello, Meg, Alastair,” Castiel greeted them. 

“Who’s this good-looking fella?” Meg asked, giving Dean a playful once-over. 

“This is Dean,” Cas said, “we’re doing an English project together. Dean, this is Alastair, a friend of Lucy’s, and Meg, my first and only girlfriend.”

“His first and only about a lot of things,” Meg sneakily told Dean and Cas blushed. 

“Now, now, Meg,” Alastair said with a vile look in his eyes, “let’s not make the situation awkward. These two were obviously having a very special moment.”

Dean really didn’t like this guy, especially as he kind of hit a soar spot, and he glared at him, trying to look as threatening as possible. If the guy was a friend of Lucifer’s he was bound to be rotten. 

“Well, we should get going anyway,” Meg said. “It was nice to meet you, Dean.”

“Yeah, you too,” he replied and watched them leave. Alastair looked back at them greedily once more before walking out the door. 

\-------

When Dean and Cas left the coffee shop a while later, Cas’ phone rang.

“Hello, Lucy,” he said when he picked up. They talked for just a few seconds before Cas hung up again. 

“Lucy asked if I wished to come over to his place and if I could wait for him here,” he told Dean, who nodded.

“Well, I, uh, guess I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Dean said. 

“Yes,” Cas answered and leaned against a light pole. “I’ve had a really nice time, Dean. It was pleasant to have a proper break from studying for once.”

Dean felt a bit of happiness run through his chest and said “Yeah, me too” before getting in the Impala and driving off, watching Cas growing smaller in the back rear mirror.

\-------

When Dean got home he shuffled around the house for a bit, actually doing some chores that Bobby left him. When the old man walked through the door and saw Dean baking a pie from scratch while humming AC/DC to himself, he froze for a second. Then he just muttered something under his breath and walked into the study, shutting the door loudly behind him.

A few moments later there was a loud banging as Sam stomped down the stairs. 

“Hi, Dean, so get this- wait, are you cooking?” 

“Shut up, Sam, I’m making a pie,” Dean said, lifting his eyes from his work in progress to Sam who stood next to him, looking stupid while he inspected Dean’s creation. Standing right next to his brother made Dean start to feel kind of short.

“Hey, who gave you permission to get so tall already?” he said accusingly. 

“I promise you, give me a couple of years and I’ll be at least 4 inches taller than you,” Sam smirked.

“Like hell you will, bitch!”

“Jerk!”

Sam grinned at him and Dean punched him in the arm.

“So what’s up with the pie, really?” Sam asked.

“What, I can’t be in a good mood?” Dean said while he spread thick coats of apple mush across the pie shell. 

“All right. What’s her name?”

“Who?”

“Oh, come on, Dean, you never do stuff like this unless you’ve hooked up with someone!”

“Yes, I do!” Dean said and felt a bit hurt that Sam made him sound so shallow. Not that he would ever admit it though. 

“Okay, what did you do all afternoon today then?”

“Studied with Cas and then we went for a coffee,” Dean said absently.

“Uh-huh,” Sam said, watching him.

“What?”

“Nothing!” Sam started to back away towards the stairs again, with a stupid look in his face. “Just, uh… have fun with that pie.” He slipped up the stairs before Dean had a chance to yell something after him, so he settled with muttering to himself. 

\-------

Like it wasn’t enough that Dean had had a fluttering feeling in his chest all day, he obviously had to pick that very night to dream about blue eyes and soft lips against his own, dark stubble brushing his cheek, tracing down his chest, a hand trailing lower and lower…

Dean woke up in the early morning with a jerk, panting and being painfully hard. The sun was just rising outside and he sneaked out to get a hot shower before anyone else woke up.

\-------

Cas wasn’t by his locker when Dean arrived at school and he wouldn’t have admitted the big disappointment that settled in his stomach, even if his life dependent on it. He still hadn’t shown up when Dean was sitting in the cafeteria with Chuck and Becky. Just as he was absently staring towards the empty seat next to Lucifer on the other side of the hall, his phone vibrated and he saw that he’d received a text from an unknown number. He clicked “open” and started reading it.

Hello, Dean. If you’re wondering how I got your number I’m afraid I have to tell you I googled it. I didn’t come to school this morning because I’ve been feeling unwell, but I’ll meet you at the library later. Have a nice day/Castiel

Dean smiled a little to himself and saved the number. He texted back a quick “ok, see you later!” and turned back to the conversation with the other two.

\-------

Later that afternoon Dean was situating himself at a table at the far back of the library, liking the shielding that the surrounding shelves provided. He was standing and putting the books he’d actually remembered to get from the shelves on the table in a not so very neat pile when Cas turned around the corner. He was wearing a big black hoodie and looked like he was trying to sneak in without Dean noticing it. Something was definitely off and worry started to settle in Dean stomach. 

“Hey, Cas, are you ok?” Cas just kept walking past him so Dean grabbed his shoulder to make him turn around and Cas actually winced. Dean quickly let go and now that Cas was facing him, he could see bruised marks climbing up the side of his neck, just above his collar. He looked like someone trying to cover up a badly placed hickey, but Dean could tell the difference between a hickey and proper bruises and those on Cas’ neck were not the sexy kind.

“Cas, what happened to you?” 

“Nothing,” Cas fidgeted. “Can we just get this over with, please?” He determinedly refused to look Dean in the eye.

“No, actually, we can’t. Did someone do this to you?”

“No.”

“I’m serious, how did you get those marks?”

“Dean, just drop it!” Cas’ eyes finally snapped up to meet his and Dean noticed the black rings beneath them. The blue left the green once again to stare at the floor. He looked so small and hurt and Dean just ached to hug him or beat the hell out of whoever did this to him. Not that he didn’t have his suspicions.

They stood like that for a couple of breaths before pity got the best of Dean and he gave in with a sigh.

“Hey, you wanna go get a burger or something? I’m kinda tired of studying actually.”

Cas’ eyes flickered up to meet his again before he sighed too and nodded. Dean reached after his bag and hung it on his shoulder.

“Come on then,” he said and placed his hand on Cas’ shoulder again - much gentler this time – and Cas let him steer him through the library. Dean deliberately let his hand linger for a bit longer than necessary, secretly loving the way he could feel the warmth from Cas’ body through the thick fabric. 

\-------

The car ride was a bit awkward with Cas stubbornly staring out the window and Dean not being able to resist stealing glances at him and the marks on the side of his neck, feeling more and more angry every time. He didn’t say anything about it though, not even when they were seated in a booth at the small diner with their food in front of them. After a few bites at his burger, Cas seemed to have had enough.

“Dean, you’re staring,” he said, chewing on a French fry. Dean snapped out of his thoughts.

“Sorry,” he said and swallowed his mouthful of food, “but it would help if you could just tell me what happened, you know.”

“There is nothing to tell.”

“Oh yeah? You just woke up like that?”

“I fell down the stairs.”

“Really, you’re gonna go with that one?”

“I don’t see why you care so much anyway!“

“Because I’m worried about you, just showing up like that and acting all weird.”

“It’s non of your business!”

“When someone I consider my friend potentially gets beat up by his fucking boyfriend, it becomes my business!”

Cas stared him right in the eye, both of them leaning over the table in frustration, and for once Dean stared back just as defiantly. Eventually Cas just sighed and leaned back. Dean took this as a sign that it was okay to lean back a bit too, not wanting to come across too aggressively. 

“Look, Cas, all I’m saying is you can trust me. Because I care, I really do.” Dean mentally shuddered at the chick flick moment, but apparently it worked because Cas was looking at him again before absently playing with a cold fry.

“Fine. You’re right,” he muttered quietly. ”It was Lucy. And it’s not a big deal!” he said when Dean opened his mouth. “He can be a bit… possessive. But that just comes with the package. Everyone has flaws.”

“Damn it, Cas, don’t tell me you’re defending the bastard.”

“Of course I am, Dean, he’s my boyfriend! I love him and he loves me and it won’t happen again.”

“He told you that?” Dean could barely keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

“Yes. And before you ask, yes, I do believe him. He’s never lied before, so why would he now?”

“But Cas-“

“Dean, just leave it!”

“Fine!” Dean said, raising his arms to show he’d been defeated. “Can I just ask you one more thing?”

Cas sighed again. “What?”

“Why? What did you do to get… this?” He gestured in Cas’ general direction, not know exactly what “this” consisted of.

Cas’ eyes flickered to Dean before resolutely staring at the French fries.

“No, you can’t ask me that.”

“Huh. It was because of me, wasn’t it?”

“Dean-“

“What, you can’t have friends?”

“Dean-“

“Why does he get to control your whole life like that?!”

“DEAN!”

“Explain, then!”

“No, can we- can we not do this here?” Cas looked pleadingly at him.

“Okay,” Dean said, calming down a bit. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go for a ride or something.”

Cas nodded and got out of his seat. Dean followed him out and they got in the Impala, backing out from the diner. There were a few minutes of silence.

“You gonna tell me how you got beat up because of me or what?” Dean said finally, not being able to hold it in any longer.

Cas turned around in his seat so he was facing Dean. He seemed to be searching for words for a bit before he started talking.

“Lucifer… doesn’t like to feel threatened. He’s used to being on top of the school hierarchy and most students know not to mess with him. But that also means that he gets jealous easily. So when he thought I was getting too… involved with you, he got angry. But it’s nothing I cannot handle myself and like I said, it won’t happen again, so can we just drop this discussion?” 

“Just because he said it won’t-“

“Dean, I know what I’m doing!”

“Yeah, and that seems to work out great for you.”

“Stop treating me like I’m weak, Dean! I’m not a child in need of rescue!”

This actually shut Dean up and he kept his eyes on the road for a while.

“I’m sorry,” he said eventually. “I know you’re not weak.”

“Thank you.”

“But I still get worried.”

“That won’t be necessary.” 

“Cas, just… stop avoiding the problem already!”

Cas fell silent and Dean wanted to punch the steering wheel. 

“Can you drop me off here?” Cas murmured.

“Cas-“

“Please.”

Dean got a sour feeling in his stomach, but slowed down next to the sidewalk.

“Thank you,” Cas said and got out of the car, not giving Dean a second glance. Dean stared determinately at the road and speeded off, not looking back.

\-------

When Dean arrived at his locker the morning after things were totally awkward. Cas was wearing the same large hoodie he’d been wearing the day before and didn’t even acknowledge Dean’s presence. The bruises on his neck had slightly started to falter.

“Good morning, Castiel,” came a smooth British voice from behind them. Cas didn’t even turn around to see who it was.

“Hello, Crowley,” he greeted, not caring one bit to keep annoyance from his voice.

“Lucy asked me to check up on you. I heard you had a pretty bad fall the other day.”

Dean’s blood began to pound in his ears and he fisted his hands so that he wouldn’t just lash out and punch the asshole in the face.

“You can tell him I’m fine,” Cas mumbled and sounded irritated.

“Excellent,” Crowley’s disgusting voice said, “he also asked me to verify that it won’t be necessary to…” Dean felt Crowley’s eyes flicker towards him, “worry again. Because I can tell you, Castiel, the stench from that Impala is all over your sweater.”

Dean could actually feel Cas tense up even as they were a couple of feet apart and he was so close to just shoving Crowley against a locker and beating the crap out of him if Cas hadn’t spoken first.

“You don’t have to verify anything, I’ll tell him myself.” Cas slammed the locker shut and turned around to Crowley, looking like he might punch the short guy himself.

“Excellent,” Crowley repeated, looking a bit startled, and to be honest, Dean probably would have been too if he hadn’t been so pissed off. “I’ll just leave you to it then.” With that Crowley slipped away as quickly as he could, disappearing between the groups of kids wandering down the hallways.

Cas started to head off in the same direction as Crowley.

“Hey, wait, man!” Dean called after him, completely forgetting the whole ignoring business. Cas turned around and raised his eyebrows in a silent question.

“You’re just gonna walk up to him and- what? After- after that?” Dean barely managed to get the words out, because he didn’t really know what he wanted to say, but he did know that he didn’t want to let Cas walk away to his psycho boyfriend on his own. The blue abysses stared at him like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Yes, of course I am.”

“I can come with you, you know, just in case.” Dean knew he sounded childish, but he had a really bad feeling about this whole thing.

“Dean, for crying out loud! You have no right to choose what I should or should not do and if I want to talk with my boyfriend, then that’s my decision.” 

And with that he just walked away and left Dean standing in the middle of the hallway, feeling angry and worried.

\-------

Cas didn’t show up to the library later that day and Dean almost looked up his address to go check on him, but changed his mind in the last second, telling himself that he was being too clingy and overprotective about a guy he’d met just a few weeks ago. Cas was probably still mad at him and making out with his stupid jerk boyfriend somewhere and probably hadn’t given Dean a single fucking thought during the entire day.

Dean slammed the door of the Impala aggressively after getting in, but then felt really guilty about taking out his anger on the car.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he said gently, patting the dashboard. He sat there behind the wheel for a second, collecting himself and cursing for acting like an obsessed teenage girl, before driving back home.

\-------

Cas didn’t show up to school the next day either and didn’t answer Dean’s phone call, so when Dean didn’t see him sitting next to Lucifer in the cafeteria he decided that enough was enough.

“I’m heading home, guys,” Dean told Chuck and Becky and got up from the lunch table. The two of them broke off their intense discussion about Buffy the vampire slayer to look up at him.

“Are you feeling sick, Dean?” Becky asked with concern in her voice.

“Yeah, yes, I am and I need to take care of some stuff, you know, so I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Dean noticed that Chuck’s eyes started to wander off in the direction of where Cas wasn’t sitting like he used to and he quickly left the place before any of them could put two and two together. 

Dean made a swift detour to the computer room where he looked up Cas’ address, feeling a bit like a stalker, but hey, he’d done worse things, before he got in the car and almost didn’t speed there. Even though he’d picked Cas up and given him a ride home lots of times, he hadn’t actually been to his house or even his street before. Apparently it was more convenient for Cas to just walk a few blocks to a larger street and now when Dean was circling around the neighbourhood he kind of understood what he meant. When he finally found the right address he saw that Cas lived in a white, big ass house with a huge lawn and white pillars on the porch and everything. Dean felt very out of place when he stood in front of the bright red door and rang the doorbell. It took almost a whole minute before the door opened and Cas peeked outside. He was wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of jeans and he seemed to hunch over just a little bit, like he was in pain but didn’t want to show it. 

“Hi, Cas, I just…” Dean’s mouth felt very dry, “you know, you weren’t in school so I just wanted to… check on you.”

Cas stared at him in silence for a couple of seconds, before stepping aside and letting him in. Almost everything inside the house seemed to be white as well and everything that wasn’t was some kind of cream colour. Cas walked into the kitchen - which was obviously larger than most motel rooms Dean had stayed in - and went around a kitchen island to lean his forearms against it, watching Dean intently. Dean almost shuddered at the lack of light in the blue eyes. 

“So… you doing all right?” Dean started tentatively; not wanting to break whatever calm that was between them.

“Just tell me why you’re here,” Cas said. 

“Really, I just wanted to make sure you were ok, after everything that happened yesterday and- hey, is that a bruise?” Dean asked with his eyes glued to the side of Cas’ jaw. Cas nodded slowly. 

“Cas, did he- did he hit you again?” 

“Yes.” The statement was made without any sign of feelings or emotions and it just made everything so much worse.

“And you didn’t call me? I could’ve helped!”

“Why?” Cas’ eyes started to burn a little bit and he stood up straighter. “I’m in this alone, I was the one who put myself in this position, so why would you help and what makes you think that you could actually do anything?”

“Cas…” Dean reached out to put a hand on his friends shoulder and Cas flinched back on pure reflex. Anger hit Dean in every direction and he walked around the counter, right up do Cas, who took a cautious step back, and threw his arms around him, hugging him tightly. 

“He had no right to do this to you and you are not in this alone and it has nothing to do with pity or weakness,” Dean said firmly, tightening his grip around Cas. Eventually he could feel Cas deflate against his chest, sending a small puff of air into his neck and warmth to his belly, and then arms tied around Dean too. They stayed like that for much longer than was socially acceptable and Dean felt completely ok with it, since no one was there to behold this threat to his manliness. After a couple of minutes though they pulled apart. 

“You should let me take a look,” Dean said gravely. “I used to patch myself up all the time when I got into a fight.”

Cas seemed to have given up completely and just pulled the shirt over his head, wincing slightly. At first Dean just stood there, staring at the marks on Cas’ chest and shoulders. He had several large bruised on his ribs, a few of them from the first time, already starting to blend in with his skin, and the rest of them bright purple. There was also a big mark on his hipbone and purple fingerprints on his shoulder, along with that looked like an actual cut on his upper arm. Not to mention the faltering marks on his neck and the ugly bruise on his jaw. And Dean hadn’t even seen his back yet.

“Anything broken?” Dean asked with a tight jaw as he pressed fingers over the ribs. Cas looked like he was holding in a cringe and shook his head.

“Okay, then,” Dean said and continued to study his friends stomach and his back, which, of course, had big purple marks on it too. Finally his fingers settle around the cut that thankfully didn’t look too bad. 

“I just have to ask. How on earth did you get that?”

Cas smiled a small, sad smile.

“Would you believe me if I told you it was actually an accident?” Dean’s eyebrows almost went into his hairline. Cas sighed. “I fell - and no, maybe not entirely on my own - against the counter and managed to pull the knives down with me.”

Dean’s eyes fell on the knife holder that looked like it contained five very professional and very sharp knives and he thanked every god who cared to listen that there hadn’t been more damage. 

Cas put the shirt back on before he opened his mouth again.

“Hey, would you like to stay here for a while?” he asked a bit insecurely. “And perhaps do something that doesn’t revolve around injuries? I really don’t feel like being alone and we could watch a movie if you’d like to.” 

Dean’s heart skipped a beat before he managed to remind it of his masculinity. 

“Yeah, sure, that sounds awesome,” he said, sounding satisfyingly composed.

The light returned to Cas’ eyes as he broke into a genuine smile and Dean felt such a powerful pang of pride ride through him that he just had to give Cas another quick embrace while he had the chance. Afterwards he hurriedly went back to leaning against the counter. Cas just chuckled and started to go through the cabinets to look for a bowl and some popcorn. He popped them in the microwave and leaned against the counter next to it.

“You could just sleep here too, if you feel like it would be getting too late,” he said; obviously very unaware of how Dean’s heart skipped another beat. “I have a couch in my room that you can take, unless you would like to borrow Gabe’s bedroom.” The microwave pinged and Dean started to walk out of the kitchen.

“Of course you have a freaking couch in your freaking room, I’m lucky I even have a bed,” he muttered to himself and he could hear Cas laugh quietly behind him. That was a sound that he could definitely get more used to.

\-------

As it turned out, Cas didn’t just have a couch in his room but also a large flat screen TV, a very expensive looking laptop, a surround system that made Dean’s heart ache and a bed that was way too wide for just one person. Not that Dean was getting any ideas or anything.

They propped themselves up in the opposite corners of the couch, putting the popcorn between them and Dean sent Sam a text, telling him where he was and not to be such a cry baby just because his big brother wouldn’t be there to read him bed time stories. Sam answered by texting “Jerk!” and Dean smiled to himself. 

It took them ages to decide on what to watch, Dean being horrified over Cas’ lack of experience when it came to must-see movies and finally settled for a Lord of the Rings marathon. It got even later when they came up with the idea to make pizza themselves after the first movie, instead of just ordering.

During the middle of the third Lord of the Rings movie, Cas had started to doze off. Dean resisted running his fingers through the black hair with much determination and settled on just grabbing Cas’ ankle and shaking it lightly. Cas sat up slowly, putting a hand to his chest like he’d managed to forget the pain. He mumbled something and got up, returning to the room with a spare pillow and comforter that he gave to Dean, before slumping down on his bed and falling asleep almost instantly.

Dean lay down on the couch, which was obviously very comfortable and also long enough for him to sleep properly in, letting the events of the day run through his mind. Even though he still wanted to beat Lucifer bloody, he couldn’t help but feel happy that Cas seemed to be holding it more or less together and that him and Dean seemed to be more comfortable with each other, despite everything. He listened to Cas breathing a few feet away and felt his lips tugging upwards. Eventually Dean’s eyelids grow heavy and he fell in to a peaceful sleep.

\-------

The waking up wasn’t quite as peaceful though. It started off with the bedroom door being thrown open and someone with a British accent yelling “Cassie, wakie, wakie!” like it was a war going on outside or something. For half a millisecond Dean thought it was Crowley who had somehow managed to get inside, before he realised that this guy was tall and blond and looked nothing like short asshole.

“Oh dear, I didn’t realise you had company, Cassie,” the British dude said and glanced down at Dean before walking over to Cas’ bed and crouching beside it, trying to peek into the comforter that hid Cas somewhere inside it.

“Go away, Balthazar,” came a muffled and annoyed voice from inside what could only be compared to as a nest. 

“Oh, come on, baby brother, haven’t you missed me while I’ve been away?” Balthazar said with pretended hurt. “Well, I suppose you’ve been otherwise occupied,” He threw another glance at Dean.

“Dean’s a friend, now please just leave.” Balthazar smacked his tongue like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“You’re still with that Lucy chap then, are you?” he asked. When the insides of the nest remained silent he got up from beside the bed. “I’ll just be a good brother and make us all breakfast then,” he said and left the room, closing the door behind him. 

When Cas still hadn’t spoken again in about a minute Dean slipped up from the couch and went over to the bed, bending over slightly. He pulled down an inch of the comforter and blue eyes met his. He would be lying if he claimed that his breath didn’t get stuck in his throat as he drowned in the deep pools.

“I’ll have to break up with him, don’t I?” Cas asked quietly. Dean nodded and for the first time, Cas actually looked scared. Something tightened around Dean’s chest and he reached down to brush the hair from Cas’ forehead. It was impossible soft. Cas moved over, making room for Dean in the bed and without a single thought Dean got in next to him and allowed the comforter to be pulled over him too. Then they just sort of lay there, Dean trying not to let it show just how much he’d longed to be this close and how much it made his heart pound, until they both started to drift off again. The last thing Dean heard before falling asleep was the door being opened and Balthazar muttering “Friends, my arse” before closing it again.

\-------

Dean woke up to bright daylight flowing through the window. He tried to shuffle around a little and found that he couldn’t because of something heavy lying on his chest. His chin tickled from being brushed against black hair. When he glanced down he’s heart jumped in delight; Cas was resting his head on one of Dean’s collarbones and they were practically lying chest-to-chest, Cas’ arms resting on either side of him. He could feel Cas inhaling and exhaling slowly and there was definitely not any burning behind his eyes. In spite of the fact that Cas had remained so close and looked so calm on top of him, Dean actually thought he was awake. He cleared his throat quietly.

“Hey, Cas?” he murmured.

“Mmm…?”

“How come Balthazar’s got a British accent?”

Cas huffed out a quiet laughter.

“We used to live in England when we were kids and when our parents decided that we should move to the US, Balthazar didn’t want to leave and chose to stay at a boarding school instead. Anna, Gabriel and I were too young to pick up the accent before we left.”

“Huh,” Dean said. “So you’re actually European?”

“You make me sound like a dog breed,” Cas chuckled against his throat. 

“Sorry, man,” Dean mumbled. “Do you remember living there?”

“No, not really. Anna does though.” Cas stretched across Dean to reach his phone on the bedside table. This made him lay even more on top of Dean and he could feet his cheeks heating. If he wasn’t careful it might heat up a lot more in very different places. 

“It’s almost noon,” Cas announced, “we should probably get up.”

He looked down at Dean like he noticed he was there for the first time and he was all bedhead and sleepy eyes. Dean’s cheeks flushed even more and Cas must’ve noticed, because he shuffled off the bed and went to draw the black hoodie on. 

When they left Cas’ bedroom and walked down the small hallway towards the stairs, Dean heard the front door opening and a cheerful voice yelling “Honey, I’m home!” When he and Cas entered the kitchen, he saw Balthazar embracing a short guy with brown hair with much enthusiasm.

“Oh, look who decided to honour us with their presence!” Balthazar praised while the short guy turned around and pulled Cas into a tight hug.

“What are you doing here, Gabriel?” Cas asked, sounding like he was almost suffocating in the shorter guy’s arms. Dean silently wondered where the family resemblance had gone.

“What, a guy can’t come home to visit his family without being scolded at?” Gabriel placed an overdramatic hand to his chest. His gaze fell to Dean as he let his arms fall to his sides again. “And who is this charming young man?”

“I’m Dean,” he said and stood up a little straighter.

“He’s a friend,” Balthazar informed Gabriel, who let out a little “ohh” in realisation. “And judging by those hickeys on your neck, Cassie, you seem to be very close.”

Cas turned bright red and Gabriel chuckled before his eyes seemed to stop at Cas’ jaw, then landing on his neck, looking more closely, and his smile faltered. He took a few long steps towards Cas, who tried to back away from him, and pulled down his collar. Both he and Balthazar stared at Cas, who squirmed. Gabriel turned to Dean.

“What did you do?” he demanded.

“Hey, I didn’t do that!” Dean shot back.

“I fell on the stove,” Cas declared quickly.

“Stoves don’t usually leave finger prints, Cassie,” Balthazar said. He moved closer to Cas and grabbed his chin to look at his jaw, while Gabriel examined his neck. 

“Would you excuse us for a minute, Dean?” Gabriel requested without turning his attention from Cas.

“Sure,” Dean said and hurried out to the bathroom. He took his time, washing his face and stealing some toothpaste to brush his teeth with his finger. When he finally decided he had to go back out he was met by the sight of Cas sitting on one of the bar stoles by the kitchen island, elbows resting on the surface and his head in his hands. His elder brothers stood on either side of him, apparently discussing what the best solution would be. 

“Doesn’t the kid have any parents?” Gabriel asked and sounded frustrated. 

“No, he doesn’t.” Cas said tiredly. 

“You reckon we should call the police? We’ll have to report him anyhow,” Balthazar said.

“I know a madam who would be more than happy to make sure he’ll go behind bars for a few years,” Gabriel said and started to pull up his phone from his pocked.

Dean cleared his throat and two pair of eyes turned towards him. Cas just stayed put. 

“Not that I want to interfere,” Dean started carefully, “but perhaps you should let Cas decide.”

The youngest brother turned around slowly and looked at Dean. 

“Fair enough,” Gabriel agreed. “Castiel, any thoughts?”

“I just… want to take a shower,” Cas said. “And not think about this for the rest of the day.”

Gabriel and Balthazar exchanged a look.

“All right then,” Balthazar nodded, “but we will not let you sneak away from this one, Cassie.”

“And we’re definitely having a family meeting tonight,” Gabriel continued. 

Cas nodded and got up from his seat. Balthazar bent over and kissed him on the forehead. 

“Don’t worry about it, we’ll get that bastard,” he said.

Cas sighed and walked out to Dean in the hallway, while the other two started mumbling to each other. 

“Maybe I should head home, leave you alone for a bit,” he said. He wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it or if Cas looked a bit sad at his words.

“Yes, perhaps that will be wise,” he sighed.

“You gonna be ok?” Dean tried to look closely at his face, the way Cas sometimes seemed to be able to see right through Dean and whatever he said.

“Of course.” He paused for a moment. “I’m sorry you got dragged into this.”

“Don’t worry about it, man.” Dean smiled at him, placing a hand on his shoulder and gripping it lightly before leaving the Novak’s residence. 

\-------

He spent the rest of the day trying to clear his head the only way he knew - fixing cars. After a few hours Sam came out to socialize with him, probably barely able to tear his big head away from all his homework. 

“You had a good night at Cas’?” he asked, while Dean was trying to loose an especially stubborn nut in an old car’s engine. 

“Yeah, more or less,” he answered. 

“Uh-huh,” Sam said and bent a little closer without Dean noticing it. “Did you snuggle?”

Dean stood up too quickly and hit his head on the hood.

“Son of a bitch!” he cursed and Sam almost choked because he started laughing so hard. 

“Ha ha, very funny, Sammy.” Dean sounded whinier than he’d meant to and rubbed his head.

“Hey, I’m happy for you, man!” Sam chuckled, sounding genuinely pleased.

“Sam, he’s got a boyfriend - or well, sort of,” Dean said and bent over the engine again.

“Naw, Dean, are you jealous?”

“Sam, I’m serious, the guy’s a dick!”

“What did he do, then? Kiss Cas in public?”

“He beat him up.” Dean wasn’t sure if he was supposed to talk about it, but if it was anyone in the world that he could talk to, it was Sam.

“What?” Sam breathed.

“Twice.” Dean gritted his teeth.

“But- wow… you gonna do anything about it?” Sam asked and sounded concerned. Dean felt an urge to hug him. How on earth had he grown so big all of a sudden?

“I don’t know, he’s brothers are kinda all over it,” Dean mumbled. “But if I get the chance to punch the asshole, I won’t let it pass.”

“Huh,” Sam said and fell silent. 

They didn’t talk much after that, Sam disappearing into the house again after a while and Dean continuing to work on whatever machine he came across in Bobby’s yard.

\-------

When Dean arrived at his locker on Monday, Cas was standing beside it.

“Hello, Dean,” he said, looking a bit anxious. He was wearing his regular dark blue and unzipped sweatshirt. The bruises on his neck were almost blending in with his skin.

“Hey, man, what’s up?” Dean replied and opened his locker.

“I broke up with Lucy.”

“Oh,” Dean paused, “how did he take it?”

“Well… the way I expected him to, I suppose,” Cas said and stared at the opposite wall. “He yelled a lot and threatened basically everyone I know.” He smiled weakly at his hands. The hallway was pretty much empty, so Dean felt courageous and placed a hand on Cas’ shoulder.

“Hey, it had to be done,” he said, and let the hand fall slowly, trailing down Cas’ arm.

“Yeah, I know,” Cas said, looking up at him. “I’d just rather not talk about it.”

They kept the conversation light after that, walking down the corridors together and chose to sit outside on one of those tables with connected benches that are mandatory at lay-bys instead of in the cafeteria at lunch. Dean was sitting on the table with his feet on the bench and chewing on a sandwich with Cas next to him on the table, legs crossed and with a fork in one hand and a book in the other. Dean’s mind was wandering so at first he didn’t notice that someone was standing beside him. 

“Hey,” a light, girly voice said and he snapped back into reality. The girl was leaning beside him and her wavy, strawberry blonde hair was moving in the slight wind. Her light brown eyes gazed at him and he could feel Cas stirring next to him.

“Hi, there,” Dean replied. The girl smiled at him.

“I just talked to a friend of mine and apparently she and you had kind of a good time a few weeks ago.”

“Oh, really?” Dean said and felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. The problem wasn’t that the chick obviously knew the girls he’d hooked up with the first week at school, but that Cas had stirred again, turning slightly away from them. 

“Yeah…” the girl bit her lip and looked seductively at him. “And you don’t seem to have a girlfriend at the moment so I just wanted to let you know that if you want to we could perhaps go over to my place some day and… hang out.”

Dean sort of just stared at her for a moment, not knowing what to say. Earlier he would have jumped on that train before he had even had time to think about it, but now he was just sitting there, speechless, while the girl kept looking at him, pushing her breasts together slightly. 

“I, uh,” Dean stuttered and cleared his throat. “Thanks, but I don’t think that’d be a good idea,” he settled with.

“Well,” the girl said, apparently not taking no for an answer, “I’ll just leave you my number, in case you change your mind.” 

She winked at him and put a piece of paper in the breast pocket on his button down shirt. Her hand trailed down his chest a bit when she walked away and Dean suppressed an uncomfortable shudder. He glanced at Cas. There were a few moments of complete awkwardness and Dean took out the piece of paper and started to tear small bits away from the edges. 

“If you want to go after her it’s fine by me,” Cas said without turning around or looking up from the book. Dean noticed that he hadn’t turned the page for several minutes. 

“Nah, I’m good.”

“Really, it’s okay. I’d hate to ruin your chance.”

Dean stayed silent as he slowly ripped the paper in two. He got up and threw the pieces in a trashcan. When he sat back down on the table he could see that Cas was trying to suppress a smile. Dean leaned back and took another bite of his sandwich. 

\-------

Even though Dean was a bit on edge, they managed to get through the rest of school without any incidents from Lucifer or any of his “friends.” Until the very end of the day, that is. 

“Hey, Winchester!” someone called from the end of the hallway and Dean turned around to see Lucifer walk towards them with Alastair and a short chick with long black hair trailing behind him. Lucifer attempted to push Dean against a locker again, but this time Dean was prepared and finally got to punch him right on the jaw.

“You son of a bitch!” Lucifer sneered at him, holding a hand to his hurt chin. “You think you can just walk in and corrupt Castiel into leaving me for you? I told you not to mess with my stuff!”

“Lucy!” Cas snapped and Lucifer turned around to him, narrowing his eyes. “If you got anything to say, say it to me!” 

Lucifer growled and pushed Cas against a locker instead.

“You stupid asshole! Not so brave the last time we had this discussion, were you, without dear Dean to hide behind?” Cas pushed him away hard, Lucifer stumbling backwards a few steps and Cas took the moment to push him against the wall instead. Castiel had always come across as kind of skinny, but apparently that was in no way related to his strength. Suddenly Dean became very away of how equal Lucifer and Cas must’ve been, even if Lucifer seemed to be slightly stronger physically. 

“It’s over, Lucy. Didn’t I make myself clear enough for you to understand?” Cas’ eyes pierced into Lucifer, who sneered, and he pushed him away. Lucifer took a step towards him, closing the distance, and pressed an aggressive kiss to his mouth. Cas pushed him away again and this time he stayed away.

“You’re gonna regret this,” he told Cas with poison in his voice, before he walked off with Alastair and the chick. 

Cas stood in the middle of the hallway, panting heavily and watched them disappear behind the corner before he turned to Dean.

“Are you all right?” he asked and Dean nodded.

“Are you?”

“Yes.” There was a long pause. “Although, I seem to have a massive craving for a burger.”

Dean just stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing, almost clutching to Cas, who stared laughing too and then they just stood there for several minutes, laughing their heads off.

\-------

Later that afternoon they were sitting on the hood of the Impala, parked at an empty lay-by next to a quite large road, eating cheeseburgers and fries. It had started to grow dark around them, but they didn’t even consider moving. 

“You sure you’re gonna be ok?” Dean asked for like the fifth time. 

“Yes!” Cas said and actually rolled his eyes. “Honestly, you have to stop worrying.” He took a slurp of his chocolate milkshake, which he’d added three extra bags of sugar to. Seriously, who does that?

“Yeah, okay, sorry,” Dean said and lay back against the windscreen. Cas put the milkshake down and did the same. After a few seconds of silence, Dean turned his head and looked at Cas, who was looking up at the sky. A distant streetlight casted a strange light to his face, creating dark shadows, and his hair gleamed. Dean reached out and stroked it lightly and he could hear Cas’ breath catch.

“Sorry,” he said again and removed his hand. Cas looked at him.

“For what?”

Dean sat up again and Cas propped himself up on his elbows.

“I wouldn’t want you to think that I’d take advantage of you,” he said, “you know, with everything that’s going on.”

Cas furrowed his brows.

“I don’t think you’d take advantage of me, regardless of my situation.”

Dean huffed out a small laugh.

“How come you can still be so amazing after all that people’ve done to you and I’m just the bitter one?”

Cas just laughed at him and sat up too.

“Oh, come on, I’m not that great! And you’re not bitter. You don’t give yourself nearly enough credit.”

“But how can you be so sure I won’t hurt you too?” Dean asked, genuinely wondering. “How can you trust me?”

“Because you told me to.” Cas made it sound so simple and obvious. He reached over and pushed his hand through Dean’s hair, smiling softly. Dean looked up at him.

“You’re really weird, you know that right?”

Cas snorted.

“Yeah, I know.”

They kept looking at each other for a few moments - breaths growing shallow - before Dean placed one hand on Cas’ waist and leaned in slowly. His breath got stuck when they were just an inch apart, suddenly not sure what he was doing, and when he didn’t continue to lean in, Cas made the decision for him and closed the distance, gently pressing their lips together. Dean could hear him suck in a breath before he moved his head a bit to the side and kissed him more deeply. Cas leaned back down on his back and pulled Dean with him, until they were lying chest to chest again, lips moving against each other. Suddenly Cas carefully pushed Dean away a few inches and looked at him.

“You don’t think I’m taking advantage of you either, are you?” he said. 

“Well, you’re not, right?” Dean asked.

“Of course not.”

“Then, no, I definitely don’t think that.” Dean smiled and kissed him again, pulling his fingers through his dark hair. When Cas started to suck on his neck, Dean figured it was time for a change of scenery.

“How about we move this to the backseat?” he managed to gasp out. Cas stopped sucking and the blue eyes looked right through him like always.

“Yeah,” he breathed and Dean tugged him with him off the hood and into the car. 

There was a big mess of entangled legs and awkward positions, but Cas just laughed at it and trailed kisses wherever he could reach. Dean’s jeans felt too small and he started to pull their clothes off, desperate to feel skin under his fingers, until they were panting and hot and very close. After one last stroked between them Dean saw stars everywhere, his mind going completely blank, with Cas tumbling after him. 

When Dean came back down again he collapsed on top of Cas, both panting heavily, and he started placing small, tired kisses to Cas’ collarbone. 

“Would you like to sleep at my place tonight?” Cas asked him, still a bit out of breath.

“Yeah,” Dean said and lifted himself up enough to smile down at Cas. “Sure, that’d be awesome.”

Dean sat up the best he could in the small space, using his plaid shirt to clean up and started pulling up their clothes from wherever they’d been thrown. A streetlight outside the car illuminated his chest and Cas’ eyes focused on a spot beneath his left collarbone.

“I didn’t realise you had a tattoo,” he said, trailing the skin with his fingers.

“Yeah… got it when my Dad died.” Dean threw Cas his clothes and pulled his jeans on. “It’s a charm my Mum used to have on a bracelet. Dad kept it after she died and… yeah.”

Cas nodded and pulled his clothes on too. 

“Well, it suits you,” he stated. Dean started smiling.

“You think so?”

“Yes. It looks nice.” Cas brushed his thumb across it once more before Dean pulled his shirt on and they got in the front seat. 

\-------

When they walked through the front door they were met by Gabriel, who greeted them cheerfully.

“Well, if it isn’t the friend Dean!” he grinned and threw his arm around Dean’s shoulders. “You kids had a fun day at school?” He gave Cas a meaning look.

“If you’re wondering if Lucy showed up, then yes, he did,” Cas said and threw his bag on the floor. “But I don’t think he’ll be troubling us anymore.”

“Well, that’s good news indeed,” Gabriel said. “I suggest you two take a shower though. I can smell that friendship all over you.” He wrinkled his nose. Cas threw Dean a mischievous grin that Gabriel caught.

“Separately,” he said and made fake gagging noises. “God, little bro, I’m living here! Don’t need any more irreversible images in my head.”

Cas kept smirking mischievously at Gabriel and dragged Dean with him upstairs. They had two separate bathrooms on the second floor so Cas handed him a towel, a clean t-shirt and some old sweatpants to sleep in before slipping through a door. 

When Dean got out of the shower Cas’ room was still empty, so he lay down on the couch and texted Sam. He was in the middle of reading the bitchy reply when Cas collapsed on top of him, making him groan at the surprise weight. 

“What are you doing, handsome?” Cas asked him and playfully tickled him in the sides, making him squirm. 

“Castiel- for fucks sake- stop!” Dean snorted out between the suffocating laughter. He grabbed his wrists, jerking Cas’ hands away from him. “You little devil,” he smiled and kissed him. 

“I thought I was an angel,” Cas said teasingly, nudging Dean’s cheek with his nose.

“Yeah, I think I’ll have to revaluate that statement,” Dean said and sat up so that Cas was sitting in his lap with his legs around his waist and he was still holding on to Cas’ wrists. Cas’ hair was damp and his eyes seemed lighter than they’d done in days. He tried to stifle a yawn, failing completely and Dean chuckled at him. There was a short knock on the door and Balthazar walked in without waiting for an invitation. 

“Oh… not interrupting anything, am I?” 

Cas opened his mouth to respond but just ended up yawning again. 

“Good!” Balthazar said merrily. “From what I understand from Gabe, I need to have a little talk with Dean. So, Cassie, if you would be so kind and get your pretty arse someplace else.”

“Oh my god, Balthazar, you’re not actually going to give him the big brother speech, are you?” Cas moved from Dean’s lap, making him feel rather cold and lonely without the weight on top if him. 

“Fine, stay then!” Balthazar said and bent over the back of the couch so he was leaning in between them, facing Dean. “Now, I don’t think you’d actually try to, but still, if you hurt our little brother even just the slightest, we will make you pay. Especially after what happened with Lucy. Do you understand me?”

“Perfectly.” 

Cas was sitting in the corner with his legs drawn to his chest and moaned. 

“I know this little bugger wants to make everyone think he can handle everything by himself,” Balthazar continued, ignoring Cas’ attempted protests, “but you have to know that all this comes with a responsibility. Any kind of domestic abuse - yes Cassie, that’s exactly what it was - leave large wounds and if we cannot trust you to take care of him we can’t let you stay with him either.”

Dean nodded and locked eyes with Balthazar for a second before the older one nodded too. 

“Splendid! And just FYI, Gabe and I think you’re a really great bloke and we’re truly grateful you were there for our baby bro when things got complicated.” 

“No problem,” Dean said and pulled Cas into a hug. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Good to hear, love!” Balthazar said and walked towards the door. “Now play nicely, there are people sleeping in this house.” 

\-------

A few days later Dean and Cas was leaving the library, finally finished with the stupid English project. And Dean wasn’t gonna lie; it was mostly thanks to Cas.

“Hey, you wanna go back to my place?” Dean asked Cas when they where sitting in the Impala and backing out from the parking lot. Cas was sitting with a book in his lap, reading, and his eyes quickly turned to Dean.

“It would be an honour,” he said. “I had started to think you’d never invite me.”

“Yeah, sorry, man,” Dean chuckled. “I guess I just didn’t want you to think less of me or something. Not that I don’t appreciate living at Bobby’s but it’s not at all like your place.”

“Oh, Dean, come on, you make me sound like a snob!” Cas snorted. “It’s your home and I would be happy to visit regardless of how it looks.” He shuffled closer and leaned in to place kisses to Dean’s jaw. Dean blushed and started to find it very hard to concentrate on the road.

“Uh, Cas…?”

“Mmm…?” Cas put a hand on his thigh and moved his lips to Dean’s neck. 

“Didn’t someone tell you it’s dangerous to distract the driver?” Dean let out a long breath, swallowing hard. 

“Maybe I like living dangerously,” Cas said and bit down on Dean’s throat, while his fingers traced the skin just above Dean’s waistband. Dean made a noise that was definitely not a whimper and gripped the wheel a bit tighter. 

“Jesus Christ, Cas.” He swallowed hard again and tried to picture his Dad naked to stop his dick from getting any ideas. “Not that this isn’t great, but please stop before I crash the entire car.” 

Cas laughed adorably against his neck and placed one last kiss there before he settled with his head on Dean’s shoulder, hand still resting on Dean’s leg. 

\-------

They parked in front of Bobby’s house and Cas peeked out the window before he moved to get out, but Dean put an arm around his waist and hauled him back. Cas looked surprised at him. 

“Hey, just- before we go inside…” Dean began. Cas raised an eyebrow.

“Yes?”

“Just don’t get scared off if Bobby’s being all… grumpy. He’s not exactly a bucket full of sunshine. And don’t listen to a word Sam has to say!” 

“Would you like me to avoid all forms of old picture albums as well?” Cas said dead serious. Dean kissed him softly on the mouth.

“If it’s not too much to ask.”

“Do that again and it’s a deal,” Cas purred and Dean kissed him slowly, feeling all kinds of warm feelings burst through his chest. 

They got out of the car and up the porch and the second they were inside the house Bobby was hovering over them.

“So,” he muttered, “you must be Castiel.”

“Yes, Sir,” Cas answered, making Bobby shift a little. Dean could see how pleased he looked underneath all the grumpiness and he figured Cas was gonna be okay. 

“Well, Cas this is Bobby - Bobby this is Cas, my, eh…”

“Boyfriend?” Cas helped. Dean tried to not look as happy with himself as he felt. He had a boyfriend, as in committed relationship! How about that huh?

Bobby glaring made him snap out of his 13-yearold-girl bubble and he cleared his throat. 

“Yeah. Boyfriend.” He smirked. 

“Hi, Cas!” Sam’s happy voice came from the doorway and Cas smiled.

“Hello, Sam.”

“You kids enjoy yourselves, I’m gonna start on dinner,” Bobby said and shuffled into the kitchen.

“I’m just gonna run upstairs and make sure nothing poisonous is laying around,” Dean told Cas and playfully slapped his ass before he walked up the creaking stairs. “Remember what I told you, Cas! Whatever he tells you, he’s a lying bitch!” he called over his shoulder.

“Jerk!” Sam yelled after him and he could hear Cas laughing as he reached the second floor.

He threw a few clothes that’d been lying around on the floor in the laundry basket, before he decided that enough is enough, he’s no housewife for fuck’s sake, and went back downstairs to find Sam and Cas sitting close together on the couch, hunching over what looked like a freaking textbook. Although Cas sounded totally sexy, explaining advanced science stuff to Sam, Dean couldn’t let all that geeking continue. 

“Guys, come on!” he complained and the two of them turned around. “I can’t leave you alone for two seconds before you have to pull out a book?”

“Just because you’re too thick to understand it,” Sam shot back. 

“Shut up, Sam, I’m brilliant,” Dean said and pulled Cas from the couch. “Come on, I’ll show you around.” 

“We can continue this later,” Cas told Sam as he let himself be dragged away. 

“Like hell you will. Bobby, back me up here,” Dean said when they walked past the old man.

“Dean, listen to your boyfriend,” Bobby answered without listening to a word had Dean said. Apparently that “Sir” had been some sort of golden key or something.

“Man, you can’t even get any support in your own house anymore,” Dean muttered and dragged Cas outside.

He started off with showing him around the scrapyard and the garage, before they went back inside and Dean showed Cas the small amount of rooms, saving his own for last. He had a nervous flutter in his stomach, so he told himself to suck it up and opened the door.

“Well, this is my room,” he said and went in after Cas and closed the door behind them. Cas turned around slowly, taking everything in. Dean’s heart beat faster at the sight if him, standing in the middle of his sanctuary, his home, with the afternoon sun illuminating his features like a freaking halo.

“It’s really nice, Dea-“ Cas didn’t have time to finish his sentence, because by the time he’d turned back around, Dean practically jumped him, pulling him flush against him and kissing him with so much emotion it nearly caught Cas off guard. 

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Dean told him and leaned their foreheads together. “Has anyone ever told you that?” Cas smiled widely. 

“Are you feeling all right?”

“Oh, shut up,” Dean said and kissed him again. “I just really like you in my house, that’s all,” he murmured against Cas’ lips. “Makes it feel more like a real home.”

“Don’t be so gay,” Castiel teased and Dean punched him on the shoulder. One second later he realised what he’d done and his eyes widened.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” he said and gently brushed his hand over the shoulder, looking anxiously at Cas face. 

“Oh, Dean,” Cas sighed and leaned against Dean’s desk, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you ever going to actually stop worrying?”

“Sorry, ain’t happening,” Dean replied. Cas laughed a little and leaned his forehead against Dean’s chest. 

“Dean Winchester, you’re completely impossible.”

“Yeah, but you know you like it,” Dean smirked.

“Lucky for you,” Cas said and raised his head.

“Yeah, I am lucky,” Dean mumbled, drowning in the blue eyes and kissed him, hands in the black hair and Cas’ arms around his waist, until Sam knocked on the door, telling them dinner was ready.

“Just a minute, Sammy,” Dean called back. “Did I tell you you’re gorgeous?” he asked again. 

“Just once or twice,” Cas said with a blushing creeping up his cheeks.

\-------

A few days later Dean was standing in the middle of the scrapyard and working on an old and dusty car. It was Friday afternoon and he’d longed for some good old mechanic work all week. It was getting dark around him as the sun had started to descend and he was just thinking about wrapping it up and going inside for a shower when his cell phone rang. He checked the caller ID and picked up.

“Hey, Cas, what’s up?” he said and leaned against the car.

“Dean-“ came Cas’ choked voice from the other end. Dean’s chest tightened.

“What’s wrong?” he asked demandingly.

“Dean, I’m- I’m so sorry- I- I- I just-“ Cas sounded like he was about to burst into tears and Dean could feel all the blood leaving his head.

“Cas, for fuck’s sake, just tell me!”

“Dean, we- we can’t be together anymore,” Cas choked out and actually started sobbing. Dean felt his stomach drop to somewhere below hell.

“What?” he breathed out.

“I’m so, so sorry but- you’ll be better off this way, I promise you.“

“Don’t give me that crap, dude! Don’t you dare give me that ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ crap!”

“I’m sorry, Dean! I wouldn’t-“ 

Dean never got the chance to know what he wouldn’t, though, because the call broke and he was left standing in the middle of the scrapyard, covered in oil and dirt, with a loud pounding in his ears. Anger and hurt started building inside him until it was too much to bear. He picked up a strayed metal bar and slammed it against every part of the car he could reach, completely ruining it. After two minutes of letting his aggravations flow right through him, Bobby came running across the yard.

“What the hell are you doing, boy?” he yelled at him. Dean just threw the bar away and walked right by him, storming into the house and up the stairs and slammed the bedroom door with a loud bang.

He paced around the room for hours, trying to clear his head and think straight, and completely ignoring Sam when he came knocking on his door. When Dean didn’t answer the knocking stopped and no one tried to bother him again. He tried calling Castiel back a few times, but the phone was turned off every time. It was in the middle of the night when Dean tried to go to bed, but he couldn’t fall asleep. He just lay there and listened to his heart thumping in his chest while he stared up at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been lying there when he got up again and sneaked outside, the rest of the house quiet, to try and sleep in the Impala like he used to when he and Sam moved around the country with their Dad and they didn’t have time to find a motel. He opened the door to the backseat and lay down, rather uncomfortably but it didn’t matter. All that did matter was when he realised the car still smelled like Cas and he started crying, slow tears running down his cheeks until he was so exhausted that he finally fell asleep. 

\-------

Saturday went by in a bit of a blur. Dean tried to call Cas at least 15 times, but all he got was Cas’ voice telling him he’d reached the voicemail. He considered driving to his house, but he was still too mad to go through with it. Sam had tried to calm him down the best he could and Bobby had made multiple attempts to make him talk, but they all just ended with Dean stomping out, slamming the door behind him.

On Sunday a small portion of Dean’s anger had started to falter and he started to worry instead. Cas’ phone was still turned off and he hadn’t heard one word from him or his brothers and something just felt so fishy about the whole situation. He didn’t know if he’d been fantasising it, but it didn’t seem to him like Cas had actually wanted to break up when he’d called him and had sounded more like he was physically hurting from saying it.

On that evening he finally got a life signal from one of the Novaks, although it wasn’t the one he’d hoped for.

“Dean-o!” Gabriel greeted from the other end. He didn’t sound as cheerful as he used to and he had a nervous undertone when he laughed. “You, eh, don’t happen to have Castiel there with you, do you?”

“What? We’ve broken up! He didn’t tell you?” Dean felt an irrational sting of betrayal. Cas didn’t even care to tell his brothers?

“You did?!” Gabriel said and sounded angry. “What the hell did you do that for? What did you do to him?”

“I didn’t do it!” Dean yelled back. “He just called me last Friday and cried and said we couldn’t see each other anymore. How could he not have told you that?!”

“That’s kinda the thing…” Gabriel laughed tensely. “Cassie’s sort of missing.”

“What did you just say?”

“He didn’t come home on Friday and we haven’t seen him since and he’s not answering his bloody phone and we’ve been searching for him since yesterday, because, you know, at first we thought he was with you, and Balthy’s going crazy, he’s out looking for him right now and this is just so unlike Cassie, you know and- and-“ 

Gabriel seemed to be out of words and of breath and Dean stood speechless and tried not to pass out from forgetting to inhale. 

“Why didn’t you call me earlier?” he asked furiously.

“Sorry, Dean, but we wanted to find him ourselves, not getting anyone dragged in until it was necessary in case he was running from you or something and yeah, well…”

“That makes no fucking sense at all!”

“Okay, I know, all right?! It’s very hard to think rationally in situations like these, especially with everything that’s happened recently. And it’s not like you called us and told us you’d broken up either.”

“That’s not even slightly the same thing!”

“Yeah, ok, but listen, I gotta go. You call us if you hear anything and vice versa okay? Good, bye.”

And with that Dean was once again left standing in the middle of the yard with a dial tone in his ear and he felt more frustrated than he’d done in years. 

\-------

Later that night he was sitting at the kitchen table and staring at a bottle of beer. It was almost midnight and he was thinking that he should probably head off to bed soon, but he just couldn’t bring himself to get up from the chair. After reading the label for the billionth time, he groaned and rested his head in his hands, breathing slowly. He focused so much on breathing that he almost didn’t hear the faint knock on the door. He felt the adrenaline pumping out in his body as he slowly moved towards the door and opened it. He froze with his hand on the doorknob and his heart pounding hard.

“Cas…” he whispered. The guy looked downright awful, with deep, dark circles under his tired, blue eyes, dirty hair and a heart-breaking expression. Dean took two long strides out through the door and pulled Cas to him, holding him hard against his chest and breathing him in. A faint stubble brushed against his cheek and he could feel Cas melt against him, like he wasn’t able to hold himself up anymore.

“Cas, Cas, Cas, what did you do?” he whispered against his neck, hating how cold the skin there felt. 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas whispered back. “I was so stupid.”

“Schh, it’s ok, we can talk about it later,” Dean said and stroked his back. “Let’s just go inside, okay?”

He pulled Cas with him and sat him down on a chair. He looked even paler in the indoor light. 

“Can I get you anything?” Dean said worryingly. ”Are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you want to take a shower?”

Cas shook his head and stared at the floor.

“I’m just tired.” 

“Ok… ok… I think you should call your brothers though, they’ve been worrying like hell.”

Dean handed Cas a phone, his own gone missing, and quickly went upstairs to grab some clean clothes for him to sleep in while Cas made the call. He put them on the bed and darted noiselessly down the stairs again. Cas had just hung up and handed the phone back to him. Dean took his hand and he followed him upstairs to the bedroom. He allowed Dean to help him change but when they were about to get into the bed he suddenly seemed unsure.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked.

“I don’t deserve this,” Cas said, his voice tight and one hand clutching to the front of the borrowed t-shirt. “I did something horrible and you should never have let me in.”

He started to back away and Dean was afraid he’d leave again so he put his arms around his waist and held on to him until Cas started sobbing quietly against his shoulder. Dean placed small kisses to the side of his neck and whispered “it’s ok” and “I’ve got you” over and over again until Cas’ breathing became steadier. Then he dragged him with him onto the bed and spread the comforter over them. Cas still refused to look at him so Dean just pulled him to him as hard as he could and held him until they both drifted off to sleep. 

\-------

Dean woke up patting the space next to him only to realised he was alone. Startled he sat up and he was absolutely convinced that it’d all been a dream until he found a note on the bedside table. 

Dean-   
I’m sorry I left before you woke up, but I was freaking out I felt I had to go home.   
I’ll explain later, if you want me to.   
Please call Gabriel’s number when you wake up, since I don’t have my phone.  
Once again, sorry! Please call!

Dean rubbed his eyes and thought how totally weird everything was. He picked up his phone and found Gabriel’s number. He only had to wait a few moments before he answered. 

“Gabe’s sex service, how can I help you?” 

“Uh, hi Gabe, it’s Dean.”

“Dean-o! You want to talk to Castiel I assume?”

“Yeah.”

“One moment, just gotta find the sneaky bastard.” 

Dean could hear him shuffle around for a while and then some muffled voices.

“Dean!” came Cas’ voice two seconds later.

“Hi, Cas-“

“Dean, I’m very sorry!”

“It’s oka-“

“I completely understand if you’re mad, you have every right to be and-“

“Cas! Breathe!” Dean could hear him take a deep breath. “Are you ok? Why did you leave?”

“I- I was having a bit of a breakdown,” Cas said. “I wasn’t thinking clearly and I’m sorry.”

“Oh.”

“Would you like to come over? And… talk… or something? Gabe and Balthazar are leaving and I feel like I should explain.”

“Yeah, that’s sounds like a plan. I’ll be right over.”

“Okay. See you soon then.”

Dean hung up and jumped in the shower. He rubbed his face in the water, trying to think or understand or anything, but nothing made any sense to him and he had a very uneasy feeling settling in his stomach. God, he hated feeling like people were keeping secrets from him. When he had washed his hair and smelled like spearmint, he quickly went and put on some random t-shirt and jeans under a military green button up. He drove to Cas’ house almost without speeding and slammed the door behind him when he got out. The familiar doorbell rang through the house when he pushed it and waited impatiently for Cas to open. The red door swung outwards and Cas appeared behind it, dressed in his usual white dress shirt and jeans and looking very fresh and stubble-free for someone who’d completely lost it the previous night. There was a small pause.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said shyly and let him in. After standing awkwardly in the hallway for a bit, looking at each other the way that’d become like a habit for them, Cas led him into the living room, sitting down on the couch and pulling his legs against his chest. Dean sat down next to him and cleared his throat. Cas looked like he wasn’t sure what to say and absently played with Dean’s fingers instead. They locked eyes and after a minute of silent conversation Dean put his hands on Cas’ shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss. Cas let out a relieved sigh and pulled him closer. 

“I’m really sorry I left,” he said when they pulled apart. 

“Yeah, I know,” Dean said and rested his chin on Cas’ pulled up knees. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

Cas was silent for a few moments before he took a breath.

“Would you like to make some pie?” he said and Dean’s eyebrows went up.

\-------

“I woke up at around 5:30 and saw how happy and peaceful you looked,” Cas told him when they were standing at the counter, making pastry and chopping strawberries. “And I realised that I had no right to just come back into your life like that and evade on your happiness. So I ran.”

Dean looked up from his cutting board. 

“You’re kidding me?”

“No.”

“Cas, come on!” Dean said. He put the knife down and leaned against the counter. “No offence man, but that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Well, I’m sorry if my consideration for your happiness seems irrelevant to you.” Cas threw the pastry against the counter and sounded grumpy. It had probably worked better if Dean didn’t find an annoyed Cas so terribly endearing that he had no chance of not smiling. Cas glared at him. 

“Okay, firstly, you’re gonna give that poor pastry a concussion and secondly, you seem to be confused about what actually makes me happy.” Cas looked at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Dean said and moved closer, “that you don’t invade on my happiness. You sort of, you know, ensure it.” He looked down and felt his cheeks heat up, even though he really tried to make them stop. He was Dean fucking Winchester for fuck’s sake; he didn’t just blush like that. 

“Oh,” Cas exhaled. “Oh, I see.” He let out a small laugh. 

“So leaving didn’t really help at all,” Dean smirked and nudged him in the side. 

“I realise that now.” Cas picked up the pastry again and moulded it into the pie plate. “Although I suppose I wasn’t really functioning properly to begin with,” he murmured. 

Dean lifted the chopping board and swiped the strawberries into a bowl and mixed them with some other ingredients, feeling a bitter sting when he remembered getting the phone call earlier that week.

“Yeah,” he said while Cas put the pie plate in the oven. It was one of those fancy ones, placed into the wall at waist height. “Any chance you gonna tell me why you dumped me over the phone and went missing for two days?” He regretted saying it the second it left his mouth because Cas froze up with his back turned at him and stared at the oven like it held all the answers in the universe. 

“I’m sorry,” Cas said and sounded hollow. Dean internally hit himself in the head.

“No, Cas, look, I shouldn’t’ve said that-“ 

Cas turned around to look at him.

“But it’s the truth, isn’t it? You don’t even know about the circumstances.”

“So tell me!” Dean begged him. “Cas, buddy, please.” He seized his upper arms and tried to make the blue eyes meet his. They flickered to him for a second and then Cas seemed to snap out of something.

“Yes. Yes, of course,” he said and sat on top of the counter that wasn’t covered in flour. He breathed out a laughter. “It feels like ages ago.”

Dean leaned against the kitchen island across from Cas and waited with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Firstly, you should know that I’ve never felt so bad about something as when I had to make that call,” Cas started slowly. “When I left the library on Friday Lucy was waiting for me outside. He told me how much he loved me and missed me and when I didn’t listen he started talking about Sam.” Dean’s chest tensed up. “How unfortunate it would be if he had to get in trouble just because I couldn’t be sensible and he just went on and on about what he’d do to the both of you and in the end I saw no other option than to do as he said. So I called you.”

“You broke up with me because that douche made some threats about me and Sam?”

“You would have hated me forever if anything had happen to Sam and I could have stopped it!” Cas said. “After what he’d done to me I just couldn’t risk it.”

Cas started to look a little broken again and Dean fell silent. He crossed the small space separating them and stood between Cas’ legs, one hand on the side of his neck and the other one stroking through his hair. 

“So you didn’t actually want to do it?” he said and managed to hide most of his insecurity. 

“Of course not!” Cas said and looked alarmed. “You don’t think I want to leave you, do you?”

“No,” Dean smiled, “I don’t. What happened next?”

“I was very upset so he comforted me, brought me to his place and I was stupid enough to fall for it.” 

“But you didn’t… do anything, did you?” Dean asked and didn’t necessarily want to know the answer.

“God, no, absolutely not!” Cas blurted out. “I would never…”

“Well, that’s good at least. Did he- did he hit you?”

“Only a little.”

“Only a little,” Dean repeated and shook his head like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He put his hand over Cas’ ribs and apparently got it right on the first try, because Cas flinched. At least nothing seemed broken. Not that it’d been very likely, but whatever. “You stayed with him for those two days then?”

“Yes,” Cas leaned his forehead against Dean’s shoulder and Dean put his arms around him. “I fell into some old habit and was too weak to realise it. But in the end I just had to go back to you, even if it meant risking him hurting you. So I left him. And you know the rest.”

“Couldn’t stay away, huh?” Dean asked and Cas huffed against his shirt. 

“No. Seems like I come running to you now instead.“

“Well, I’m not complaining.” He was just about to kiss the dark hair when the oven beeped and Cas lifted his head. When he made a motion to move Dean put a hand on his stomach and made him stay put. He pulled out the pie shell, put the rest of the stuff on top of it and pushed it back into the oven again. Then he went back to his position between Cas’ knees. 

“So… just to make clear, we’re still together, right?” 

“Yes. Well… if you still want me,” Cas said and looked nervous. “I don’t exactly seem to be good luck.”

“Damn straight I want you. And I don’t care; I’d rather have you, crazy ex boyfriend or not.”

Cas flashed some white teeth.

“Are you sure you’re not just a product of my imagination?” 

“What, you fantasise about me?” Dean asked teasingly and nudged their noses together, resting his hands on Cas’ thighs. Cas put his legs around Dean’s hips.

“All the time.” He pulled Dean towards him by the front of his shirt and kissed him softly. 

The oven beeped again before things got too heated and Dean almost jumped in excitement. Cas laughed at him and shook his head. 

“What are you, five?”

“Don’t disrespect the pie, Castiel.”

Dean carefully pulled out the pie, close to beaming at it, and turned around to see Cas leaning against the kitchen island and smirking at him.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said innocently, “I just like it when you say my full name.”

Dean definitely didn’t miss the twinkle in his eyes and quickly put the pie down to push Cas against the kitchen island, resting their foreheads together.

“Do you now, Castiel?” he said and managed to actually make him giggle. Dean’s chest filled with sunshine and he had a strange urge to cry so he just pulled Cas really close, cupped his face and kissed his neck and his cheeks and anywhere he could reach, making Cas laugh even more.

“Dean, what are you doing?” he managed to snort out and Dean stopped kissing him to bring them face-to-face.

“I love you,” he said. Cas’ smile faltered and he stared at him.

“I love you too,” he breathed. They stood like that for a few seconds, close enough to share each other’s breaths, before Cas started laughing softly again and Dean started laughing with him and then they laughed and kissed in a whole mess.

“Well, glad we got that sorted,” Dean said and kissed Cas on the nose. “I really think the only right way to celebrate is by making that pie disappear.”

“I bet you do,” Cas chuckled. “Do you want to do this the fancy way or should I just get us two forks?”

“Two forks sounds pretty good to me.”

Cas pushed him away slightly so he could escape his place against the counter and opened a drawer. With the forks in hand and a handful of napkins they moved themselves and the pie to the living room and sat down on the couch, putting the pie on the coffee table (which must’ve been the only object in the entire house that was made out of dark wood) in front of them. There was almost a religious feeling about it when Dean put his fork into the pie and brought a piece to his mouth. And, damn, it was awesome! He instantly scooped up another piece and practically shoved it into Cas’ mouth.

“It’s good,” Cas stated after he’d swallowed.

“Good? Dude, it’s heavenly!”

“You could almost call it… angelic?” Cas said and wiggled his eyebrows. Dean snorted and almost spit out all of his pie again because he started laughing so hard. Cas looked incredibly proud of himself. 

“Oh, you little bastard!” Dean said when he could breathe again, tears in his eyes. He dumped his fork and threw himself on top of Cas - who gasped in surprise - pinning him down. 

“Hey!” Cas yelped and let the fork fall to the floor so he could put his hands on Dean’s chest and tried to push him away. 

“Nope, sorry,” Dean said, grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head. 

“You devil, Dean Winchester.”

“Shut up, angel,” Dean shot back and leaned down and kissed him, letting go of his hands only so he could run his own through Cas’ hair. Cas moaned into his mouth and Dean’s breath quickened, sticking his tongue in his mouth and Cas’ tongue shot right back. It was wet and chaotic and goddamn hot.

“Dean! Dean! Bedroom!” Cas panted and Dean pulled away, breathing heavily. 

“Yeah… good idea.”

He sat up and pulled Cas with him, not able to resist kissing him again, fisting his shirt. The pie was left forgotten on the coffee table as they stumbled upstairs, Dean impatiently trying to unbutton Cas’ annoying shirt. Cas threw the door shut behind them and pushed Dean down on the bed, straddling him. Dean tried to fumble with the buttons once again but Cas just pushed his hands away and unbuttoned it himself. Dean pushed it off his shoulders and help Cas pull Dean’s shirt off too, along with the t-shirt. Cas’ hands were on his chest and Dean stroked his shoulder blades, trying to make him come closer. It wasn’t long before their jeans got too tight and too hot and they pushed them off and rolled around together, legs intertwining and hips thrusting together. They went on for what felt like ages until Dean was so close he was seeing stars and when Cas’ back arched Dean fell right apart with a cry. 

Cas was resting his head against Dean’s chest and Dean could hear him panting heavily. 

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re amazing.”

Dean started laughing, resting his head on the pillow and letting the happiness surround him. 

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Oh, I hope not,” Cas said and dried them clean with an old t-shirt that been lying around in a corner, before pushing himself up so he was at the same level as Dean. “I’m sorry I left you.”

“Oh, Cas, come on!” Dean moaned. “We were having a moment!” 

Cas grinned at him and his eyes glimmered in the darkness. Dean stared at him.

“Gosh, you’re beautiful,” Dean murmured and touched his hair. Cas’ grin grew a bit more timid and Dean drowned so much in his eyes that he never wanted to try and stay afloat again. “You’ll be the death of me some day.”

“Oh, don’t talk like that,” Cas said and lay down next to him with his head on a pillow. They looked at each other for a couple of minutes before someone called “Cassie!” from downstairs. Cas sighed and got up, putting on the pair of jeans lying on the floor and a new t-shirt.

“I’ll be right back,” he said and bent down to kiss Dean’s shoulder. He sleepily walked through the door and left it a bit open, light streaming in through the gap. Dean scratched his head. When Cas didn’t come upstairs again he decided to pull on his jeans and t-shirt too and dragged his feet down the stairs. 

There seemed to be some sort of commotion in the kitchen, Cas and Gabriel arguing while Balthazar was standing in the middle, obviously trying to act like some sort of diplomat. 

“What’s going on?” Dean asked. 

“Lucifer just called and wanted to have a nice little chat with Castiel,” Gabriel said, “and this smartass still doesn’t want to call the police on the bastard.”

“What?!” Dean cried out. “Cas, you can’t be serious?” 

“Yes, I am. I don’t want anyone else involved in this and making a police report will only leave him even more angry and he might hurt someone.”

“He’s already hurt you, dumbass!” Gabriel yelled at him. 

Before Cas had a change to yell something back they could see car lights through the window and heard the shrieking of tires, followed by someone slamming the door of the car and shouting “Castiel, you fucking bastard!” at the top of their lungs. Cas turned around and walked determinedly towards the door, pulling his arm free when Gabriel tried to stop him. 

He burst out threw the door, Dean running after him.

“Oh, I see you’ve got your new toy with you!” Lucifer shouted. 

“What the hell are you doing here, Lucy?!” 

“Just making a statement, sweetheart!” Lucifer moved closer and Dean tensed up. “You see, if you think you can just run away from me, you’re very wrong!”

“Why don’t you just leave us alone, you asshole?” Dean yelled at him. 

“I wasn’t talking to you, dickhead!”

“Hey!” Gabriel shouted from the porch, Balthazar standing behind him. “Why don’t you be a good boy and get the fuck off our property?” 

“Not until we’ve sorted out a few things.” Lucifer’s eyes were burning and Dean moved to stand a bit in front of Cas. “Castiel, I will give you one more chance to be reasonable and come with me.”

“No!”

“Sure about that?” Lucifer said and pulled out a gun from the back of his jeans. Dean gasped and Cas moved away from him, placing himself between Dean and the gun, taking a few steps forwards. 

“Lucy, this is madness! Put the gun down!”

“No, I don’t think so. Now answer me!” he said and aimed the gun at Cas.

“Lucifer!” Balthazar called. “It’s over! The police are on their way and you should stop while you can.” Both him and Gabriel had moved down on the lawn but stopped when Lucifer flashed the gun towards them.

“Nobody move until I say so!” he shouted. “Castiel?”

“The answer will always be no, Lucifer, so just stop this before someone gets hurt!” 

There was a sound a distant police sirens and Dean prayed to god they would be there soon.

“Suit yourself then!” Lucifer said poisonously, moving closer to Cas. “But if I can’t have you, no one will!”

Dean’s heart stopped when he realise Lucifer was going to pull the trigger and he instinctively threw himself at Cas, knocking them both to the ground at the same time as three loud shots echoed through the neighbourhood, one of them smashing into the porch. Gabriel had taken the opportunity to bash the gun from Lucifer and he and Balthazar forced him to the ground and held him down.

“Cas?” Dean asked, not being able to breath. “Cas, are you ok?” He pulled away from him and looked him over. Cas was holding a hand over the side of his stomach, blood running through his fingers.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Dean mumbled, completely freaking out and putting a hand over Cas’. 

“Dean, breathe!” Cas hissed out between his teeth.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, I’m the one who should be comforting you,” Dean whispered with his mind spinning. When the pressure of his hand only seemed to make it worse, he pulled Cas close to his chest instead. 

“Dean… you know that I love you… right?” Cas chocked out between agonizing breaths. 

“Oh hell no, you are not saying goodbye, you are NOT going to die on me, do you hear me?” Dean said and didn’t even notice that tears had started to run down his cheeks. “You are not leaving me again!”

“Okay… I won’t,” Cas whispered next to his chest and oh fuck he was pale. 

“Castiel!” Balthazar yelled across the yard and came running, leaving Gabriel to hold Lucifer down by himself. The blue light came driving around the corner of the street.

“Oh my god, Cassie!” Balthazar cried out, pulling his cardigan off and pressed it on top of the bullet wound. “Oh my god,” he repeated and stroked Cas’ sweaty forehead. 

Two women in green uniforms came running towards them, gently pushing Dean and Balthazar away from Cas who didn’t seem to be breathing. They put large pads on the wound, trying to stop the stream of blood and put him on a stretcher. Before he knew it, Cas’ lifeless body was being carried away from him and put in the ambulance with Gabriel and Balthazar jumping in after and shutting the door just before the ambulance drove off. Dean didn’t notice the police holding him back until he realised he wasn’t moving and then he almost lost it, desperate to go after Cas, to be with him and hold him and breathe him in. 

“Sir, you need to calm down!” the man told him, holding him steady. Lucifer was cuffed and being lead away to a waiting vehicle and Dean was just standing there, feeling confused and hysterical and like he was suffocating. He drew in a deep breath.

“I- I- I have to go after him, I- I have to be with him-,” he stuttered out. 

“Sir, you are in shock,” the steady voice said to him. “We will take you to the hospital, but you have to calm down.”

“Okay,” Dean stammered. He took another deep breath and felt the military kid inside him kick in. “Okay. Okay, sure.”

The police gave him one searching look and then lead him to a car and drove them off through the night.

\-------

Dean was pacing the waiting room at the ER and had been for probably an hour, not being able to sit down any longer. They’d been there for what felt like decades, Balthazar and Gabriel sitting quietly next to each other and Sam dozing off in a chair. Bobby had tried to take Sam home when the clock pulled towards 2 am, but the kid had refused to leave without Dean, so the old man had muttered at them to call him when they received any news and gone back home, being reasonable enough to realise that he wasn’t actually helping by being there and that someone had to be clear in the head in the morning. 

When the clock was almost showing 3 am, a tired-looking doctor came through the doors and Balthazar and Gabriel stood up in unison. Even Sam shook himself awake. 

“We managed to get the bullet out,” the doctor began, “and there was only one so fortunately there wasn’t too much internal damage.” She smiled faintly at them. “He’s still seduced and will be for a few more hours, but if you wish to see him you can.” All of them nodded, except for Sam who probably felt slightly excluded and stayed back to call Bobby, but the doctor decided that Dean had to stay back too to let Balthazar and Gabriel see their brother first. Dean paced around some more after that, feeling very frustrated. After a while Balthazar and Gabriel returned with pale faces and shiny eyes. The doctor had persuaded them to go home and get some sleep since Cas wouldn’t wake up anytime soon anyway and there was nothing they could do here. Dean made them bring Sam with them to drop him off at Bobby’s and told him he would find a way home by himself later. 

When they’d left the doctor led him down corridor after corridor until she stopped in front of a room and gently pushed the door open. The only light on was a small lamp above the bed, casting a ghostly light over the room. Cas was lying in a sterile bed surrounded by machines, not all of them actually turned on though, breathing lightly and he was almost as white as the sheets with only his dark, messy hair to make him stand out at all. A nurse was changing the tube attached to a needle in Cas’ hand.

“Oh, fuck,” Dean breathed out and slumped down on a chair next to the bed. 

“I’ll leave you alone for a few minutes,” the doctor said and waited for the nurse to hurry outside before she shut the door. 

Dean rested his head against the bed, right next to Cas arm, and softly held his cold hand.

“You idiot,” he murmured into the sheets, feeling so fucking exhausted. 

He moved the chair closer to the bed so he could sit back in it and still rest a hand on Cas’ arm, only feeling secure for as long as he could feel skin underneath his fingers.

“You complete, utter idiot,” he said and closed his eyes. He was only gonna rest here for a minute or two before the doctor came back. But, of course, when she opened the door again he was asleep in the chair and still clutching Cas’ forearm. She shook her head and decided she was way too tired to deal with this and let him stay in the chair until she’d had some sleep too.

\-------

Dean was woken by Cas’ arm moving underneath his fingers. He sat up in the chair, wiping some drool off his chin and looking around the room in confusion for a few seconds. When he realised where he was and what is was that’d woken him, he stood up and bent over the bed to look at Cas.

“Cas?” he whispered. “You awake? Castiel?” 

“Mmffpt…” Cas muttered and started to move his shoulders tiredly. 

“Schh, it’s ok, it’s gonna be ok,” Dean murmured and held his cold hand with both of his. 

“Dean…?” Cas mumbled and started to open his eyes. He voice was much raspier than normal and he coughed lightly.

“I’m here,” Dean said and felt a tremendous relief flow through him. “It’s ok, I’m here. You’re gonna be ok, don’t worry.” Cas blinked up at him.

“What happened?”

“You- you don’t remember?” Dean started to feel worried again, like what if something had gone wrong, what if he’d lost his memory, oh god, what if he wasn’t going to be all right after all?

Cas seemed to think and tried to sit up a bit before gasping in pain and putting a hand to his side.

“Oh… right,” he muttered. Dean felt relief wash over him again and it was all so strange and horrible and wonderful at the same time that he couldn’t help laughing at everything. Cas looked at him oddly and put his head down onto the pillow. 

“How long was I out?”

“Well… all in all,” Dean checked his watch, “ten hours.”

“Ten hours?”

“Yeah, including surgery.”

“Fuck,” Cas said and sounded amazed. Dean started chuckling again. 

“Cas?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Cas smiled groggily at him, still high on drugs and pain.

“I’m disappointed you haven’t already,” he said and closed his eyes when Dean pressed him lips against his. When Dean pulled back he saw tears running down Cas’ cheeks.

“Shit, Cas, what’s wrong?”

“I miss you,” he chocked out, his wide blue eyes with blown pupils looking up at him. “I feel so alone.” Dean’s heart broke in his chest.

“But you’re not alone, I’m right here.”

“But I miss you,” he said and started sobbing.

Dean let go of his arm and quickly went around the bed to his uninjured side. He climbed up, very carefully, lay on his side on the edge of the mattress, not daring to move Cas one inch, and propped himself up on one elbow. 

“It’s ok, Cas,” he murmured for the billionth time, not knowing what else to say, and nudged his nose in his hair and stroked the never-ending stream of tears from his cheeks. Cas moved his free arm and weakly put it around Dean, wanting to pull him closer and Dean shuffled in. He put a hand on Cas’ neck and kissed every inch of his face and his mouth and felt how tears started to burn in his own eyes.

“I hate this.”

“Me too, baby, me too. I thought I’d lost you. I thought you’d died in my arms.” Dean’s chest tightened and it was so hard to breath, so he moved even closer to Cas, intertwining their legs and lying as near as he dared to. 

“This is horrible,” Cas sobbed. “Dean, I’m sor-“

“No!” Dean put his hands on either side of Cas’ face and made him look at him. “Don’t you dare say that again. None of this is your fault, so you will not apologise! Lucifer was the one who did this.” He could feel the guilt that’d been resting deep in his stomach for weeks come up to the surface again. “If we’re blaming anyone else, it’s me.” 

“How could any of this be your fault?” Cas’ teary eyes looked up at him in misery and confusion. “I was the one who dragged you into this mess.”

“If I’d just left you alone in the first place, you wouldn’t have gotten beaten up,” Dean said and swallowed the acid lump in his throat. “So if I hadn’t been so selfish, you would still be happy and not be in a fucking hospital.”

“No, Dean, no,” Cas whimpered and clumsily nudged his face into Dean’s shoulder. “I would be with a horrible person and not even knowing it. I wouldn’t trade you for anything and if this was the only way for me to get you, then I wouldn’t change it for the world.” He pulled Dean closer with a hand on his neck, pressing their foreheads against each other. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Never.” Dean kissed his cheek and jaw and chin. “You hear me, Castiel? I’ll stay for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

“I never wanted to leave you,” Cas murmured, starting to grow tired again. “I did it to keep you safe.”

“I know Cas, don’t worry about it. I forgave you ages ago.”

“Good,” Cas said, barely audible, as he slumbered into sleep again. 

Dean lay down next to him on the pillow, softly kissing his temple and his hair and allowing himself to breathe him in and surround himself with the feeling of having him there, being safe and all his. He dozed off next to him until a nurse came in and woke him, telling him he had to go home and suggested he took a shower. Dean kissed Cas at least ten times more before he was able to tear away and go outside to call Bobby.

\-------

Ten days later Cas was lying in his own bed, finally being discharged the day before after complaining about the fact that he had to stay in the hospital to every poor nurse who had to check on him. He still wasn’t allowed to move around more than necessary, but at least he seemed content to be in his own house. Gabriel had been on Lucifer’s case the very day after Castiel got shot, introducing the bastard to his very good lady friend. Lucifer had gotten his sentence within a few days and was to spend a lot of days in a very nasty prison.

It was one week before Christmas and the Novak’s entire house looked like a Christmas shop. Gabriel was in ecstasy because of all the Christmas candy lying around and he was never walking anywhere without chewing on something.

Cas was wearing one of the t-shirt’s that Dean had left there weeks ago just because the first time Dean saw him wearing his clothes, he went silent for a whole minute. Dean was lying next to him (on the uninjured side, of course), flickering through one of the 6 books on Cas’ nightstand while Cas was slurping on a milkshake and reading over his shoulder. 

“Wait, I didn’t read the chart!” 

“You honestly read the charts?” Dean said with disbelief.

“Of course, they’re interesting.”

“Dude, it’s physics. Could you be any geekier?” Dean rolled his eyes in fake annoyance. 

“Shut up, you love me anyway,” Cas shot back and eyed the apparently very important page. Dean grinned fondly, feeling like an idiot but not enough to care.

“Yeah, I do,” he said and shuffled down a bit, nuzzling Cas’ neck with his nose. Cas chortled from being tickles and jerked away, then huffed when he felt a stab of pain. 

“Sorry, sorry!” Dean said and pulled away. 

“No, don’t do that,” Cas complained and put his arm around Dean’s shoulders to pull him to him again. Dean got flashbacks from the first night at the hospital and he quickly snuggled in closer again, putting the book aside. He still got all cold and frozen when it hit him that he could’ve lost this wonderful human being beside him. For a few minutes he just lay there and listened to Cas breathing. There was a soft knock on the door and Anna peek inside the room, wearing a white cardigan and with her fire-red hair in a braid. She’d been on a flight home the moment she heard that Cas was injured and she’d made it her personal job to look after him. 

Dean instantly sat up a little, because Dean fucking Winchester was not cuddling with his boyfriend… at least not in front of other people. 

“Hey, hon, you want anything else?” Anna asked Cas.

“Not, I’m fine, thank you,” Cas said and picked up the book again. 

“Okay,” she smiled. “Feel free to go downstairs and grab anything you want, Dean.”

“Yeah, thanks,” he said before she closed the door again. Dean lay back down and intertwined their legs. 

Cas turned his eyes to Dean, watching him closely like he was counting the freckles on his face and Dean’s cheek heated up. Cas smiled at him and pulled him in by the front of his shirt. He paused when there was only an inch left between their lips. Dean felt his breath speeding up and his chest tingled in anticipation. Cas’ eyes flashed between Dean’s eyes and his lips and Cas licked his own lower lip before biting down on it. The sight made Dean feel like he was going crazy, his breath catching, his blood pumping and his mind going blank when all that blood travelled downstairs. What he wouldn’t do to have that lip between his teeth, lick it slowly before gently biting down, drawing small sounds from the back of Cas’ throat. It was freaking ridiculous; Cas was in pain and on heavy meds and freaking bedfast and he still managed to tease Dean senseless just by not touching him. 

Cas lightly stroked their lips over each other, putting his hand on Dean’s hip just above the waistband. Dean moaned involuntarily as Cas’ thumb tickled the sensitive skin there and put his own hand on Cas’ back under his (or well, Dean’s) shirt, slowly dragging his nails across it. Cas gasped and felt hot under his fingers when he finally pressed their mouths together. They kissed feverishly, bulging towards each other, but then it became evident that Cas wouldn’t be able to ignore the pain in his side any longer. He pressed down a hand on the bandage and stared at it like it was his own worst enemy. Dean lay back, trying to force all that fire from his blood. God, he had never been so turned on so quickly before in his life and they couldn’t even go through with it. It was pure torture and by Cas’ tense expression he was sharing Dean’s view on the matter.

When Dean’s erection had calmed down after he’d pictured Bobby and Sam and practically everyone he knew in a thong, he settle with just resting his head on Cas’ shoulder and putting on hand just above the bullet wound. Cas seemed to like the feeling of something pressing close to the wound, but not so close it actually hurt, so Dean just let his hand rest there like it used to nowadays. They lay there together and Dean pulled the comforter over them when they started dozing off. It was pretty late and it was so warm and nice, with a sleeping Cas in his arms (god, he actually looked like a kitten) and the quiet house around them. The last thing Dean saw before unconsciousness embraced him was Cas’ dark lashes resting against his cheeks and he couldn’t believe how he could be so lucky. 

\-------

Castiel was running towards his house with sheer panic on his face, Lucifer - whose skin was starting to flake off - two strides behind him. Dean was watching them from the porch with canon next to him. He was supposed to fire at Lucifer when he got close enough, that was the plan, and save Cas before he got hurt.

Cas darted up the steps, but he wasn’t fast enough. Lucifer grabbed his shoulder, swung him around and slammed him against the red door. He took out a large gun, ridiculously large, and put it against Cas’ forehead, pressing his head so hard against the door it started to crack. Dean was fumbling with a gas stove next to him to get fire for the canon, but the gas wasn’t coming on. Desperation was pumping in every vein in his body and his mind felt slow and blurry. He tried and tried and tried, but it just wasn’t working and he turned his head in slow motion just in time to see Lucifer blow Cas’ head off.

Dean sat up with a bolt. Sweat was running down his forehead and for a panicking moment he had no idea where he was. The dream was flashing inside his head and he was convinced it had all really happened, until he started making out the silhouettes of Cas’ room. 

“Dean…?” Cas’ raspy voice came from behind him and Dean turned around in the bed and saw Cas supporting himself on one elbow while he sleepily rubbed his eyes. Dean put his hands on Cas’ face and stroked his forehead and dragged his hands through his hair, not believing it had actually been just a dream until he could verify it with his own two eyes. When he didn’t find any blood or damage he exhaled, not realising he’d been holding his breath, and pushed Cas against his chest and hugged his shoulders tightly.

“Dean, what’s happening?” Cas’ confused and muffled voice sounded against his collarbone. 

“Nothing,” Dean panted, “bad dream.”

“Dean,” Cas said and tried to free himself from his prison inside Dean’s arms, “Dean!”

“Yeah, sorry.” Dean let go of the struggling Cas, even though his chest felt cold and tight without him close. The shot from the dream was on speed up and repeat inside his mind and he shook his head. Cas lay back down against the pillow and huffed.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” 

“I’m serious, Dean, talk to me.”

“Skip the chick-flick moment, Cas.”

“You’re upset.”

“I’m fine!” Okay, so maybe that had been a big fat lie, because although it was just a dream, it had been way to vivid and way to fucking wrong altogether and maybe he just wanted to curl up and hold Cas close to him forever, but that didn’t mean he was gonna turn into Sam all of a sudden. 

Problem was Cas seemed to know it was a lie too. Of course he did.

“Oh, come on,” he said and threw a leg over Dean, straddling his waist and putting his hands on his shoulders. 

“Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself,” Dean protested, even though the feeling of Cas’ legs on either side of him was the most warming thing he’d ever felt in his life.

“Then talk to me!”

Dean sat up so Cas slid down and straddled his thighs instead of his stomach, but he kept his hands on Dean’s shoulders and tried to get eye contact.

“Dean…?”

“Yes, okay, fine, I’m upset, but I don’t want to talk about it! Just leave it, ok?”

“Did I get shot?”

“What?”

“In your dream. Did I get shot?”

“Yes, okay, yes! You got your fucking head blown off and I couldn’t stop it and now I don’t only have to live with knowing that I let you down in real life, I have to dream about it too!” Dean blurted out and felt self-hatred pour out in every part of his body.

“What do you mean, you let me down?”

“I couldn’t protect you.” He hoped Cas didn’t catch how his voice broke. Dean dared a glance at Cas face and being the wonderful human being that he was, he didn’t look pitying. Instead he just looked sort of pissed off. Dean wasn’t really sure if that was better or not.

Cas leaned in on him, gripping his shoulders tight.

“Dean Winchester, you will listen very carefully to what I have to say. You have done nothing wrong. You could have gotten hurt that night, you did get hurt before that, but you stayed with me, you did protect me and saved me in so many ways. No one would have blamed you if you just turned around and left the moment you found out what was going on between Lucy and I or even when he just told you to stay away, but you didn’t. You have done so much more than anyone could ever expect from another person and I’m sorry if you can’t see how astonishing you are, but this self-blaming and guilt will stop right now. Do I make myself clear?”

Dean just stared at him, reminded of how bloody scary he could be when he wanted to with those blue eyes dark and burning. And he wasn’t going to lie; angry Cas was damn sexy.

“Okay,” was all he managed getting out and he felt a light blush spread on his cheeks.

“Good.” Cas let go of his shoulders and sat back down on Dean’s thighs. He held a hand to his side and still looked like he might smite something. “Now, I don’t want to ruin the moment, but I think I need those pills over there and I can’t reach.”

Dean tried so hard not to laugh, he really did, but Cas looked just like one of those grumpy cats that have been forced to take a bath and he was so fucking cute and the laughter pressed inside Dean’s chest until it just burst out. Cas looked even grumpier and Dean leaned his head against his neck and just laughed. When he got up again he had tears in his eyes and Cas was still looking grumpy, but his eyes were bright and smiling. 

Dean reached over to the nightstand and snatched the painkillers and a glass of water standing there. He took out two pills and gave them to Cas, who swallowed them with a big gulp of water. He dried his mouth with the back of his hand. Dean grinned at him and stroked his jaw. Cas had managed to get some stubble while he was stuck in bed for most of his time and just touching it turned Dean on. Dean let his eyes wander over him and smiled.

“Hey, Cas?” he said and put the glass back down. 

“Yes?” 

“How are you feeling about Christmas?” 

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well, I was kinda thinking we could spend some time on Christmas Eve together, if you want to. I’ll bring pie,” he added with a wink and Cas’ eyes lit up, evidently letting go of the whole I-will-end-you-ness. 

“I’d love that. Although I’m not sure I’ll be allowed to leave the house.” He sighed. “I’m starting to think Balthazar is planning to keep me on house arrest forever.” 

“Hey, no problem, man. We can have pie in bed.” Dean smiled and kissed his lips. 

\-------

When Christmas Eve arrived, Dean and Cas were lying on the big couch downstairs in the Novak’s living room. Cas was resting his back against Dean’s chest and playing with his hand. Dean watched as Cas’ elegant fingers stroke his palm and tied together with his fingers, only to untie again and keep brushing against his skin. Dean sighed deeply and nudged his nose in Cas’ hair. There was a half-finished pecan pie on the coffee table along with two unopened presents. Dean had totally skipped the last week of school before the holidays to spend time with Cas, even though Cas protested as much as he possibly could, using collage and grades as arguments. Dean usually just kissed him until he shut up.

“Hey, Cassie?” Balthazar called from another room. 

“Yes?” Cas called back and shuffled a little on the couch, causing his ass to rub against Dean’s crotch. The movement was minimal but Dean felt it all the way up his spine and he gasped involuntarily in Cas’ ear. Cas went still for half a second and Dean could practically feel that grin spread across his face. 

“I left some fine cuisine in the form of old pizza in the microwave for you,” Balthazar kept yelling.

Cas moved just half an inch again, acting oblivious, and Dean bit his lip hard not to gasp.

“Thank you,” Cas called, sounding perfectly casual, and stirred again. Dean put his forehead against the back of Cas’ head and breathed through his nose. He was definitely getting completely hard already and there was no doubt that Cas could feel it. “Are you leaving now then?”

“Yeah, party time!!” Gabriel’s voice came from the doorway to the living room and Dean thanked every higher power that Gabe couldn’t see him from where he was lying. Cas peeked over the back of the couch, which caused him to practically grind down on him. Dean had to bite down into Cas’ shoulder to keep himself from moaning loudly and Cas didn’t even flinch.

“Come on, Gabe,” said Anna from the hallway. 

“Bye, guys!” Gabe yelled back to them. 

“Have fun!” Cas called after his siblings before the door closed behind them.

Dean let go of his vampire hold and let his head fall back against the armrest. 

“Are you alright, Dean?” Cas asked perfectly innocently and turned around to look at him, causing the biggest rub against Dean’s poor crotch so far. Dean groaned and shut his eyes.

“Oh, you little sonofabitch.”

He could swear Cas was chuckling and he threw his eyes open. He slid out from underneath Cas, who fell with his back against the cushions with a yelp, and Dean kneeled between his legs and bent over him, supporting himself with his hands on either side of his head. Cas’ wide eyes stared up at him.

“If you weren’t all vulnerable and fragile at the moment I would make you pay for that,” Dean said with a low voice. Cas gulped.

“Lucky me then,” he breathed and Dean could see his cheeks heating. He bent down lower and breathed out lightly over Cas’ lips. The slightly shorter guy squirmed underneath him and put his hands on Dean’s sides. Dean brushed his lips along his jaw and bit down slowly on a soft spot on his neck. He licked all the way up the side of his throat and Cas inhaled sharply, his pupils blown and staring up at him. 

“How’s that side coming along?” Dean asked.

“Fine, just fine,” Cas gasped out as Dean turned his attention to nibble at his collarbone. Cas’ hands fell down to Dean’s hips and gripped them tightly. Dean licked his way from the bitten collarbone to the other one and Cas involuntarily jerked his hips down. Dean’s breath caught at the friction between their jeans. He licked along the other side of Cas’ neck and kissed the soft spot beneath his ear, while he moved one hand to unbutton Cas’ white, wrinkled shirt. The moment the final button gave in Dean started kissing his way down Cas’ chest. He put one hand on Cas’ exposed hipbone, holding him firmly, and started giving his attention to his nipples. He could feel Cas’ ragged breaths below him and hear the soft sounds that escaped his mouth when he bit and licked all over again. Cas buckled up towards him the best he could, but Dean pushed him down again, not wanting him to burden that wound.

“Dean…” Cas whimpered and all blood in Dean’s system seemed to rush south. 

“Jesus, Cas,” Dean whispered and was seriously worried of coming in his jeans. He moved up and put his lips to Cas’ and kissed him deeply, licking his tongue and drawing out more sounds from the back of his throat. His hands moved down Cas’ chest and accidentally landed on his bandage. Cas breath hitched. Dean instantly broke the kiss and looked down on Cas. The blue eyes stared back up at him and for a moment they just stayed like that, looking into each other’s eyes. Finally Cas put his own hand over Dean’s and his other on his neck and pulled him back down. Dean felt like there was something sacred about it, like Cas trusted him completely not to hurt him and let him be in control where he was as most defenceless. 

Suddenly Cas hands were on Dean’s belt, working it open and moving on to unzip his jeans. He sighed at the removed pressure and started fumbling with Cas’ jeans too. He pulled them down along with his boxers at the same time as his own was being pushed down. Cas started tugging at Dean’s t-shirt and he pulled it over his head and threw it on the floor. He pulled Cas’ shirt down his shoulders and just like that they were laying together, skin against skin and hot like the fires of hell. 

Dean’s blood was pumping in his ears and Cas was panting, blowing puffs of heated air against his neck. Dean grabbed them together and started moving his hand and twisting his wrist. Cas whimpered again and Dean had to stop so he wouldn’t loose it too soon. Cas started tugging on his arm.

“Dean…”

Dean turned his eyes to him.

“What?”

“Pocket,” was all Cas managed to get out between the pants.

Dean reluctantly removed his hand from its place between them and started digging around in Cas’ jeans. When he pulled his hand out he was holding onto a tube of lube and a condom. He looked back at Cas.

“You sure?”

Cas just nodded.

Dean moved back up and started fumbling with the lube with nervous fingers. This was ridiculous. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before, but it was Cas with his big trusting eyes and his understanding and loving hands. Dean finally got the lid off and pushed a big amount into his hand. He looked at Cas again and found the blue eyes smiling at him. He suddenly felt less worried and bent down to kiss him as he started to open him up. The warmth around his fingers went straight to his dick and he groaned. Soon he pulled out his fingers and hurriedly rolled on the condom, so damn close already. 

He kissed Cas beneath his chin, sucked on his throat, drank in all the sounds escaping him and pushed in. Cas gasped and Dean felt worried he’d hurt him anyway. They locked eyes and Cas nodded slowly again. His hands was gripping Dean’s hips and his back and Dean felt like they were everywhere at the same time, burning against his skin like fire. The tightness had him wincing, pushing back the orgasm for all he was worth and started moving. He moved a hand to Cas erection and leaned their foreheads together, both of the panting heavily and within a few thrust Dean lost it, every cell in his body screaming with pleasure and he was seeing white with the largest orgasm he’d had in his life. He could feel Cas coming just after him, screaming out his name. Stars was dancing in front of Dean’s eyes in pure bliss when he came back down. He pulled out slowly and managed to get off the couch to throw the condom away and clean them off. When he came back he collapsed on top of Cas again, resting his face against the crook of his neck and breathing him in. Cas put an arm around his waist and stroked his hair with the other hand. 

They lay there together until Dean started getting cold. He didn’t see any blankets anywhere around and was about to force himself to get up again when Cas’ hands started pushing gently against his chest and when Dean moved away a bit Cas got up instead and disappeared up the stairs. When he came back down a minute later he was wearing gray sweatpants and threw another black pair at Dean before he disappeared into the kitchen. Dean could hear him shuffle around in the cupboards as he put on the pants and went in after him. Cas was standing by the stove and Dean went up behind him and put his arms around his waist.

“Watcha doin’, angel?” he said and rested his chin on his shoulder. 

“I thought the occasion called for some hot chocolate,” Cas said very seriously, like he was discussing important federal secrets and Dean chuckled and nudged his nose against Cas’ neck.

“What’s the occasion then?” 

Cas half turned towards him in his arms.

“Gift-opening.” Cas blue eyes shined at him like fucking Christmas lights and Dean’s mouth fell open for a second.

“You do know people usually do that on Christmas day, right?”

Cas gave him a disapproving glare and Dean raised his hands to show he was defeated. 

“Hey, I’m all for breaking traditions,” he smirked and kissed Cas on the cheek. Cas went back to making what was possibly the most impressing hot chocolate Dean had ever seen. 

“Damn, Castiel, if I knew you could make stuff like that I’d come onto you much sooner.”

Cas huffed and even put some chocolate sauce on top of that cloud of cream, which already had sprinkles and marshmallows on it. He gave Dean one of the mugs and kissed the side of his mouth before he lead him back into the living room by his hand. 

They curled up together on the still sort-of-warm couch and Dean threw an arm around Cas’ shoulders and pulled him in. He let his hand fall down to lightly rest just above the bandage and Cas tensed for half a second before melting against him. 

“You go first,” Cas said and put one of the gifts in Dean’s hands. It was square and quite flat. Dean removed his hand from Cas’ waist and started unwrapping the gift very ungraciously. It wasn’t like he was going to re-use the wrapping paper like some old lady anyway. Cas was watching Dean closely and absently biting his thumbnail. When Dean ripped away the paper he found a square, flat box inside. He lifted the lid and his jaw dropped. Inside were several old vinyl records with all his favourite bands and all of them signed. He looked at Cas, who was staring back at him nervously through his lashes and blushing slightly. 

“Fuck, Cas, where did you get these?” Dean said in complete awe. 

“Balthazar knows a lot of people,” Cas simply said. 

“They must’ve cost a fortune,” Dean stated sadly, knowing there was no way he could accept them if they were too expensive.

“Please, that’s really something you shouldn’t worry about,” Cas said and looked completely honest instead of smug and Dean nodded slowly. “Do you like it? I could change them or something if you want t-“

“Don’t you dare!” Dean said and pulled the records away like Cas would snatch them from him. “I love them. Thanks, Castiel.”

Cas smiled and blushed even deeper and god, if he wasn’t the most adorable sight ever. And this was coming from Dean Winchester. 

Dean felt his heart swell and carefully put the records down next to him on the couch, before he bent over Cas and kissed him all over his face. Cas chuckled and kissed him back on the mouth. Dean took a big sip of his chocolate while Cas rearranged himself to sit turned towards Dean with his legs crossed, and reached out to hand Cas his gift. He had to tell himself to not act like a 12-yearold girl as butterflies flared around in his stomach. 

“It’s not as impressive as yours and I could just get you something else if you don’t like it,” Dean babbled. Cas rolled his eyes at him and pressed his lips against his to shut him up.

“Quiet, Winchester, I’m trying to open a Christmas present from my boyfriend.”

Dean felt the corners of his moth tugging upwards and watched as Cas unwrapped the messily wrapped box. Dean swallowed away the nervous lump in his throat when Cas’ fingers tugged at the lid and lifted it off. He put one hand inside and pulled out a t-shirt. He lifted it up in front of him, displaying the large AC/DC-motive on the front.

“It’s the t-shirt you wore when we kissed for the first time,” Cas stated with large eyes.

“Yeah, well, I know it’s totally cheesy, but I just love you in my clothes and you seem to like it too and I just-“ Dean started babbling again and Cas pushed his lips roughly against his. 

“I said quiet,” Cas whispered against his lips and Dean made an hmpf-ing noise. Castiel pulled the t-shirt on and put his hand in the box again for the other item in there. This time he pulled out two books. They were old and vintage and he eyed them with great interest, inspecting every detail with eager blue eyes and smiled brightly up at Dean.

“Thank you, Dean,” he said and kissed his jaw, holding the books close to his chest. Dean put one hand on Cas’ side again and threaded the other through that thick, dark hair that was only getting longer and messier every day. 

“I love you,” he said and smiled into Cas’ eyes.

“I love you, too,” Cas replied and softly pressed his lips against Dean’s, who put his arms around him and pulled him closer, the books pressed in between them. 

 

END


End file.
